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I heard that story, and it really got me thinking. I've always been against the death penalty. It's a wonder to me that it still exists. But that's nothing new for me. I'm always appalled by stories like this. What got to me was wondering about what would have happened if the house owner had succeeded in shooting those boys, even just one of them. If he killed one of them he would have been investigated and perhaps spent some time in jail, but I'm betting no death row. And why? Because he owned the house. Because it was his stuff. Because he was... scared? In my opinion, the boy was guilty of attempted burglary, and self-defense. Why was he put to death? That would almost certainly never have happened again.
It just got me thinking again about acceptable forms of violence in this culture. The fact is, the boy got a bad punishment and was viewed as a murderer because he upset the hierarchy in this culture. To risk sounding like a broken record- I'd like to quote Derrick Jensen. These are two of his twenty premises in the book, Endgame.
"Premise Four: Civilization is based on a clearly defined and widely accepted yet often unarticulated hierarchy. Violence done by those higher on the hierarchy to those lower is nearly always invisible, that is, unnoticed. When it is noticed, it is fully rationalized. Violence done by those lower on the hierarchy to those higher is unthinkable, and when it does occur is regarded with shock, horror, and the fetishization of the victims."
"Premise Five: The property of those higher on the hierarchy is more valuable than the lives of those below. It is acceptable for those above to increase the amount of property they control—in everyday language, to make money—by destroying or taking the lives of those below. This is called production. If those below damage the property of those above, those above may kill or otherwise destroy the lives of those below. This is called justice."
I mean... can you see why I keep thinking about this stuff? It's EVERYWHERE. How is what that home owner did acceptable? Of course his death is tragic- he wanted to come home and be safe and rest, like anyone. But how do so many in this culture rationalize and justify what he did, and even worse- why do they blame a young kid for defending his life after he was trapped in a room and being shot at? The answer inevitably will be that he had intruded on someone else's private property (which, if you'll remember, is a shared illusion), and was committing a crime... I just think it's really tragic how blind to this stuff we are sometimes. I think that this was an exceptional story, but this kind of violence happens all the time.
---
Speaking of the book, we had our second book club. I hosted, and it went really well, I think. It was more organized than last time (because more people had read or were familiar with the premises), and people seemed genuinely interested. I think most people will come again, and that's cool. I think this kind of subject matter is exhausting, but it's really incredible to watch it invigorate people after a few minutes. One friend of mine reluctantly came, feeling really overloaded by life in general, but she totally lit up and participated when it was all happening, and has taken to organizing an email group for everyone and is getting her boyfriend interested. It's just cool. I think I will probably feel tired by this stuff and reluctant about it a lot, but I'll just have to do it anyway and watch as I build tolerance and strength and momentum. Afterwards we were all talking about getting involved in community and local food stuff and putting our beliefs into action. I think that this is a good thing.
There was also something interesting said during the book club that I really related to. It was something about sort of being a "Jensenian". Like, this author is so SO thorough, and he is really convincing. I don't mean to just believe in something without having a healthy dose of skepticism, but he leaves very little room for it. It's just... a lot of truth. The stuff he doesn't know, he doesn't claim to. But anyway, after you read him it's hard not to just quote him all over the place and sound a little like a Jensen-follower. Anyway, we found ourselves commiserating on the craziness of being a "convert", and how we are conscious of how that must look to skeptics- especially considering the weight of the message. We laughed about it. I can't really help it though. I'm a bit of a believer.
Quote of the day:
"They're gonna be mad at us.
They're gonna be mad at me and you.
They're gonna be mad at us and all the things we wanna do." (Ani DiFranco)
Jeff is reading this book right now called "Shop Class as Soulcraft: An Inquiry Into the Value of Work". We talked about it a bit the other day, and his description of it really resonated with me. I think once he's done I might have to read it. Basically the book seemed to be about how we've lost the art of our trades, and as a result we've lost some of our connection to physical reality. In losing connection with physical reality, we damage our spiritual ties to certain aspects of the real world. I could illustrate this in a number of ways, but I think food is a great example of the truth of this theory.
It wasn't that long ago that each of us had a connection to what we ate. We knew when food was in season, what conditions it took to grow it properly, how to keep healthy animals, how to rotate crops for soil health, how to save and store seeds for the next year, etc. We knew how to preserve food for the winter, how to prepare our meals from scratch, how to ration food when it was scarce, and how to appreciate the wealth of food that was only available during certain times of year. As silly as this sounds- there's a spiritual connection there. I started a small garden a few years ago only to wake up one day and find that the hands-on dirty work of it all had transformed me. The closer I got to my food, the more of a relationship it forged. The more of a relationship I had with it, the more I cared about every piece of the puzzle- where the food comes from, its quality, the quality of my health, all of it. It just made sense to respect it. Whether or not companies like Monsanto are doing away with seed diversity matters to me now. If something is convenient but rooted in cruelty (and not even good for me), why would I choose it? Now I see the ways in which our mindless eating has really hurt us. Sometimes I'll hear a comment about the work involved in dealing with food in this way. I struggle to gracefully deal with comments like this, because it's clear to me that I now have a fundamentally different perspective than most people I know. It's not all about my benefit anymore. I'm in a relationship. So this way of eating takes a little work and thought... so what? That's what it takes. Losing our relationship to the things that help to sustain us- losing our view of the process of it all... well, it really does damage. We don't care about what we can't relate to, and if we can't relate to the things that we need, where does that leave us?
I'll always remember the story of my brother- the pickiest eater in the family. He would routinely whine and complain and refuse to eat what was served, and it drove us all crazy. He would especially protest when it came to vegetables or fish. One year my mom dug up a small portion of our yard and split it into four sections, one for each kid. We each chose what to plant and helped to care for the little garden, and we all had fun. One day at dinner, my mom announced that some vegetable (I wish I remembered which one, but it was one that my brother HATED) came from his garden. He gobbled it up like it was his favorite thing in the world. We were all sort of annoyed by him, but that image has been burned in my brain as a result. Now it makes sense to me. He had forged that sacred bond- the bond that tied him to what sustained him. Regardless of whether or not he actually liked the taste didn't really matter in that moment. He was grateful for the food, and proud of it, and that was enough for him (one of the stubbornest people I know) to enjoy it.I want many things for the future. One of the things I want the most is for people to have the experience that my brother did that day, on a larger scale. I want us to reconnect with our physical world, and get to know ourselves a little better in the process.
Anyway, I'm trucking along with my winter goals, although getting as much exercise as I want is a challenge. Vera's naps have been short and unpredictable, so I'm often interrupted if I try during that time- and that's really frustrating. What I'm really going to have to do is try to involve her in some way or keep her steadily occupied for a while. It's tricky. Some is better than none, though, so I'm going to try to not be frustrated when I get interrupted (because it will happen), and just be grateful for whatever I get.
I'm ordering seeds today, and I'm very excited. My sister and I are planning on seed saving this fall, so we aren't really in need of all the seeds we'll be getting (I don't really want to save much because I'd really like to get serious about saving my own seeds, so this will corner me into it!). We figured that we could start most of them, and then have a neighborhood seedling sale in May to try to make back some of our start up costs. It'll also be a good way to get in touch with some of the other local gardeners. My sister also had a good idea for a "sharing basket" of sorts. It'll be hung on the outside of our respective fences, and then filled with extras- stuff we can't eat enough of and won't be storing. There will be a sign that says folks are welcome to trade or take or leave a note. I think it's a fantastic idea and it makes me smile just thinking about it.
Here's our initial garden plan:
This is just the right side of the back yard (the food garden). It's not totally accurate, measurement wise. There will be some more space between the greenhouse/chicken coop and the raised beds, and there's also space for the chickens behind the garage too.
( Read more... )
Quote of the day:
"Each individual woman's body demands to be accepted on its own terms." -Gloria Steinem
Anyway, this philosophy has been very consistent, and really hard to argue. I've had friends who have gotten very frustrated with me- with the idea that I would turn my cheek if someone were to come in my house and attack me or my family. They hated that I wouldn't fight back. Well, I never really said I wouldn't fight back. I might. But I said I believed that the right thing would be to not return the violence with any violence- feeding it and perpetuating it.
This belief also has a lot of faith in the power of nonviolence. This is an important part. It's not all about laying down and taking abuse, but it's about using nonviolence as an active means to change things. For instance, what power would you have if the attacker came in, demanded your money, and you gave him your jewelry and other valuables too? Certainly you've got the element of surprise. You've shown him that you don't fear the loss of your belongings. You've shown him you're no threat. You've successfully challenged his role as the oppressor. Anyway, I think that's powerful, and we certainly don't get a chance to see the power of that perspective very often on a larger scale.
So anyway, that's my background. However, this author I've been talking about, Derrick Jensen, is the only person who has ever successfully challenged this belief of mine. I was SO SOLID with this. Now, I'm not so sure I had much of a leg to stand on. First of all, I realize now that it's impossible to be consistent in the area of violence. We are ALL violent creatures by nature. You can't reject this. You are especially violent if you live in this culture. What helped me to understand this was the deconstruction of my definition of violence.
The only line that I drew with my nonviolent stance was between human life and nonhuman life. This was not to say that I didn't reject all sorts of cruelty done to animals and the landbase in general, but let's be real. I wasn't going to wither away and die so that I'd never kill something to live. I mean, some people draw their line at not killing animals/sentient creatures, but if I were to be truly consistent about this then I'd probably find a way to feel guilty about eating a carrot or taking any life, and that's just silly (Although there are those like Jainists who only eat fruit fallen from trees and stuff- never touching a root vegetable!). Then I'd surely be doing violence to myself for letting myself die. There's no escaping this part of it. As a living being on this planet, I have to kill and consume other living things to survive. This is a basic form of violence that I'm totally accepting of (at least as not being intrinsically wrong).
So, the next logical step is that the criteria for the rejected form of violence be all violence done to humans. We're taught through our lives to value human life above all other forms of life. This doesn't necessarily mean that we are careless with those other forms of life, but we certainly favor our own kind over any other. This makes biological sense (that we be loyal to our own species and ourselves), but also makes sense considering the culture that we live in. We have all been a witness/party to a culture that seeks to dominate the natural world and harness/exploit the wild for our purposes. What messages have we received in this? I always think about the occasional news story you'll hear about a wild animal killing a human- resulting in hoards of humans hunting the creature down to kill it. Despite the fact that the wild animal was only doing what it naturally does, we feel the need to dominate it and destroy it even after the damage has been done. I also often hear "It's just a dog." or "Yeah, those trees are ugly, cut them all down." This sense of entitlement permeates our entire way of life, and has left us unable to understand or respect or communicate with the natural world in the way that we used to.
( Read more... )
Whatever it is, I think the solution (for this moment) is to have the last piece of cake in the fridge, a hot cup of coffee (I just love that stuff), and do a little whining myself here while the girls watch a cartoon (I don't know if I mentioned it here before but I'm watching my niece a few afternoons a week now). Later tonight I'll do some yoga, take a bath, and finish a movie with my knitting. Wow, I'm feeling better already just typing that. What's strange is that this day looks good, really. I'm afraid I'll miss it. It's really sunny and I'm actually crossing off most of my "to-dos". The kitchen is clean, the laundry is moving, a load of diapers is put away and another is in the dryer, dinner is being prepped and will be a breeze to throw together, menu is planned, beans for the week are cooking, garden planning is well underway... What the hell is my problem today?
It's amazing to me that so much can be dependent on your state of mind. Life can be a big mess, but with the right attitude it can look beautiful. That's usually my life, I think. Messy messy busy messy doing too much... I love it. Today, everything is so in place and I'm just a grump. Wah wah. Although I think this coffee is helping.
Something I mentioned to a friend the other day is that I absolutely LOVE being a mother. The good, the bad, all of it. But the thing that sometimes gets me feeling unreasonable about it? Overstimulation. Being touched so much by little hands... Every task calling your name, every diaper change being a battle of wills... it gets kind of noisy (both literally and otherwise). On the other hand, when I get about 20 minutes of free body space (usually I take the dog for a walk when Jeff gets home on those days), I'll find myself actually missing my baby's little hands and her sweet face. It doesn't take much at all to recharge, thankfully.
I know I am not alone in this. I talk to my mama-friends and they sometimes don't even have to tell me. I can just sense it sometimes. This overstimulation can make a perfectly normal situation feel like a zoo. And I wonder if our culture has anything to do with this. Once upon a time families lived together and worked together much more closely. Now the responsibility falls on a much more specific set of people. I'll often find that even when there are swarms of kids and messes all around me- if there are a couple other mamas I just feel more peaceful.
The more I think about it the more important community is to me. I have a great community of people, but it's all within the context of this civilization and this way of life. I value privacy and individual family life, but I yearn for a community of people that I know because we help each other with the most basic of things. The work of life. I especially want this community since Jeff and I are only having two kids. I want Vera to have a large family that is involved in her life- biological or not. I want her to know that she is a valuable part of their lives, too. Anyway. I'm rambling. Jeff and I have just been talking a lot on the intentional community front, so it's always got me thinking.
Garden update coming soon. :)
1- Food/Cooking: I am always evolving in this area. In many ways my life looks the way that it does in part because of my relationship to food. Anyway, some of my goals are to get more regular with making sourdough bread and yogurt and stock (any of "the basics"), soaking/sprouting grains and flours, menu planning, and doing more with fermenting food.
2- Garden planning: I have NO IDEA what to do with this much garden next year, all the planning for just the food garden (rotation stuff, starting seeds for the first time, learning about how to keep a greenhouse, etc.) in addition to trying to plant up the herb/fruit area and the front yard with native species all at 7 months pregnant... well, I'm just going to have to have lots of fun with it! That's the only option. I do have to sit down and map it out a bit though, and fake some kind of know-how, just so I don't go in completely blind. As overwhelming as some of this stuff can be sometimes, I'm kind of in love with it. I'm never disappointed, I never fail, because my only goal is to learn and smell that smell that a tomato plant leaves on your skin, and to just see all that green everywhere. I'm just in love with the experience of it. It's also so so fun to have a creative vision- even if it's not met always.
3- Organization/Purging: I'm really on this path to getting rid of extraneous stuff and really clarifying my life in those terms. Most of the things I have are purposeful in some way, or sentimental, or what have you. However, I'm finding that the more there is, the harder it is to keep a clear head, or clean, or develop any kind of functional system for life with that stuff. Before this baby comes, I want to make this house a really functional, clean space. My house will always experience occasional clutter and mess, but there is a lot that can be simplified. I recently purged Vera's toys, and I'm finding that she's now playing with the ones that are left way more often. They are all easier to get to, all have a place and purpose, and she can be more creative with it all now. In this area, I guess I'm thinking "More with less".
4- Crafting: Lately I've been in the habit of plopping down on the couch each night and zoning out to a movie or one of our shows. This is really nice some days, but it's becoming too frequent. I'd like to spend some of the time at night learning to relax by sitting down in my art area and doing something a little more enriching. There will always be a time for a good vegging-out session, but I don't want to take it for granted or use it so often. I have lots of projects lined up, some in the works, and I'd like to see them finished while I have the freedom to do it.
5- House projects: We're coming up on a year in this house, and we've accomplished a lot. There are lots of little odds and ends, though, that got swept under the rug now that we're feeling so settled. I had so many "before and afters" to share, and yet there aren't really any that are completely done. Like the downstairs apartment. It's totally functional and finished, but we still have to put some knobs on a couple of kitchen drawers, and Jeff is working on finishing ceilings and putting up closet doors. Little things, but stuff that keeps me from taking that "after" photo. I guess I'd like to see that happen. Take some projects all the way to the end.
6- Body/Mind health: Before I got pregnant I was feeling pretty fit. Things slowed down a bit with my lack of energy, but now I'd like to get back into it and stick to a routine. I want to get back into the regular aerobic exercise and start doing more yoga- maybe take a class if we can afford it.
I'm also really interested in learning how to meditate, because I think it would just be good for me on several levels (in preparation for labor, but mostly in preparation for having two babies and dealing with new stresses, and just having some good relaxation time). I think I'm occasionally prone to some anxiety due to thinking too much. I'd love to learn how to really clear my head of that clutter.
I want to keep writing, too. With all the reading I've been doing lately, and all the new things we've been thinking about (most notably the talk about joining/forming an intentional community), I feel like I need some way to process and share it.
My baby! She's so big... and blurry! I'm going to have to learn how to take better pictures of kids.
( Read more... )
I'm doing a thick border on the other side of the yard for perennial herbs and flowers (both medicinal and just plain pretty, even some for natural dyes), and also planting various fruit bushes like raspberries, currants, service berries, and quinces. I'd like to at least study the art of espalier so I can plan for next year with some more heavy duty fruit trees like pears and peaches.
Since our front yard is so heavily shaded in the summer, we're probably going to plant lots of native species to help foster a mini-natural habitat for insects and animals, and also so we won't have to mow it at all. We also might incorporate a cob playhouse for Vera (but we'll have to put a picket fence around the front yard, it's a somewhat busy road). I had plans for that front yard, lots of plans. They were plans that necessitated cutting down at least one of the two big trees in our front yard. However, the more I learn about what we humans have done to this world, the more reluctant I am to see those big trees in the front yard as being in my way. I have been taught that it's always my right to cut a tree down if I want to, because I'm a human and I make the rules and I "own" this piece of land. We've all been conditioned to exploit, whether we know it or not. We can't just let a place be. Well, this small patch of land gives me an opportunity to learn a little something about that. Hopefully I can create a space that is both beautiful and full of life, and those trees will continue graciously shading the south side of our house (which is very welcome in the heat of the summer).
Just writing about all this gets me excited.
Am I crazy for taking this stuff on? Come planting time I'll be a good 7 months pregnant... and I'll have a one month old infant (plus a two and a half year old) when preserving comes on in full force. I've thought about this. All I can see is me with a baby in a sling on my back, Vera "helping", and being surrounded by the fruit of my labor. Plus I'm sure we'll have more "canning parties" this year. It honestly sounds like a dream to me. I'm totally addicted to this. I'm sure it will have many challenges, but women for ages have been doing much harder work than I'll ever do and popping out babies left and right. I'm thinking my level of success is going to be less about my ability and more about my attitude and my priorities.
I have to say, being able to write like this again is really refreshing. I think I have it pretty good as far as pregnancy symptoms go, but the fatigue of the first trimester leaves me feeling lethargic and uninspired. This happened last time, too. I felt like I was floating. I couldn't seem to get much done, ever. My patience was shorter. Then, all of a sudden, I started to wake up and come back to my old self. Well, it's been much of the same this time around. I'm in the last week of my first trimester, and I'm finally feeling more present in my own head! I can't tell you what a relief it is. I also felt more morning sickness this time around, but that's been gone a good couple of weeks.
Sweet Max. I will get a good one of his killer smile soon. He's got such a good sweet energy, this fat little boy does. I snuggle him and find myself cooing and saying things like "We're friends... you're my friend!" He gives me a lot to look forward to, with his sweet baby smell and his big eyes...
( Read more... )
Quote of the day:
"Blow, blow, thou winter wind,
Thou art not so unkind
As man's ingratitude." (W. Shakespeare)
I've had a really really good year, all said. I have accomplished a lot, grown a lot, learned a lot. It's been a year of plenty, for sure. I anticipate next year being more of the same, because I can't seem to slow myself down much in that area. Life just seems to swoop me up, and somehow I manage to keep from burning out. Somehow I manage to stay mostly invigorated. I'm having so much fun.
Lately though I've been a little tired. Perhaps it's the holidays. Perhaps it's that I decided to take on more crafting this year and didn't think about the fact that a toddler might slow me down a little. Perhaps it's all the holiday food catching up with me. Really though, I'm pretty sure that it's the plum-sized human growing away in my belly. It's so strange that something so small can make me so so tired. So yes, in the next year we are anticipating a new baby, due the middle of July. TA DA!!! I've known for a while now, but for some reason I've been so much more relaxed the second time around. Almost too relaxed... I'm excited, for sure, but I find I'm far less consumed with this pregnancy than last time. Or really, I'm just thinking about it in different terms. I suppose it makes sense, last time was my first. Now I find I'm focused more on garden plans and how to manage it all while being all round and fruit-filled myself. I'm focused on Vera, and the things I want to accomplish with her to help us both prepare for a new member of the family. I'm focused on Jeff and I and soaking up some really good "us" time now that Vera is old enough to be watched for a while. I'm focused on my health and my ability to get back in shape after the birth. Anyway. We're happy. It's a good time for this, in a bunch of respects.
Plus, I'm so excited for her to be a big sister. She lights up my world. I can't imagine doubling this mama-love. Crazy.
( Read more... )
That's all I can muster- but hopefully in the next couple of weeks I'll regain some of my energy for writing here.
I hope you all have some time to reflect on the last year, to make peace with it, and to welcome this new one with open arms.
( Read more... )
My sister and I were talking yesterday about keeping things simple. There is so much to sift through in this life- especially if you're trying to live it consciously and consistently. What a job sometimes! It's enough to make my head spin on most days. Anyway, she kept repeating the phrase "Chop wood, carry water.", which apparently is an old zen saying. I can't tell you how much I love this. It's funny, too, considering that my life requires neither of those jobs- unless you count a watering can from time to time... Regardless, I'm soaking in its intention for my life.
Something that my parents really pounded into us as kids was that you didn't have to feel great about something to do it anyway, because you know it's what you need to do. It was the whole "fake it til you make it" kind of mentality, and I believe it's benefited me so far. So, I'm meditating on that lately- having faith that as long as my actions are in line with what I believe is right, I'll find myself where I'm supposed to be- with new wisdom and energy for the future. It doesn't matter if I see the difference those actions make, it doesn't matter if I feel tired or worn out, it doesn't matter if I have no idea what the future holds or what I'm really meant to do... I just do the next right thing and I'll find myself where I'm supposed to be. Chop wood. Carry water. So, as I was thinking about this stuff, only a few things stuck out to me. It's pretty refreshing to see how uncomplicated it all is when I break it down.
I need to care for and nourish those around me, even when I'm as tired as she is.
I need to keep taking care of this home, even when I'm not sure where to start.
I need to keep learning... and to know when to take a break and simply enjoy myself, so that I can have the energy to DO something with that knowledge.
I need to remember to be grateful, and appreciate the small things. This one is big. It's kind of what it's all about sometimes...
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/22/opini
I frequently read things like this. I'm going along, so SO agreeing to some things, and yet drawing such a very different conclusion. I preface the rest of this post by saying that I do not mean to offend anyone- I'm just long confused by this issue and am thirsty for some answers- primarily from my vegetarian/vegan friends, and anyone else who has any thoughts on this matter.
For those who don't want to read the article (although it's an easy, short read), it's basically a guy who makes the case that it is morally wrong to kill/use animals for human ends- regardless of the way that they were raised and slaughtered. He talks about how animals are able to feel suffering, also whether or not humans have the moral right to use animals for their pleasure, etc. I don't think he makes a great case, although, it got me thinking seriously about the debate between vegetable based/omnivorous diets, and I'm really in the market for answers, here. So here goes my ramble.
Of the reasons for becoming a vegan/vegetarian, here are the ones I'm familiar with-
a) It's healthier.
b) In protest to animal cruelty and the meat/dairy industry.
c) Religious reasons.
d) Environmental reasons.
e) Ethical objection to the taking of an animal life.
I'll just go down the line.
It's healthier.
The argument that a vegan/vegetarian diet is healthier- This is surely true in comparison to your average Western diet. Laden with chemicals and preservatives and hormone-filled meats, it does not surprise me in the slightest to look at statistics of how much healthier a veggie diet is. However, the thing that I so often see glossed over is the fact that a diet that is void of animal products is lacking. The talk about how a person can find all the nutrients they need in plant form is misleading- what about our ability to absorb and use those nutrients? Animal fat plays an important role in our health, from the absorption of essential nutrients to the development of brain cells. Our relationship to those essential nutrients is a much more complex one than we think. There are so many reasons why we evolved as omnivores- and it's a shame there's so much shotty information out there about nutrition. My research tells me that it is far healthier to eat lots of vegetables paired with pastured, completely natural meats, using all of the animal (meaning, ground beef and chicken breast is not a good representation of a healthy omnivorous diet. I'm talking about one that uses the whole animal, consuming organs and bone broths as well as the more common cuts.)
I assume it's no secret that a vegan diet requires some supplementation to be healthy. Face value, that just seems unhealthy to me. I would much rather rely on whole foods than require supplementation to get by- not to mention the fact that the diet itself seems unnatural to me as a whole. I do think that it is much more possible to be healthy with a vegetarian diet, but only with the inclusion of whole dairy (preferably raw from pastured animals) and good eggs. However, when I think about that, I have issues with the sustainability side of it, along with the idea that it's okay to keep animals for their milk and eggs, but just not for their meat. It seems a justification to me and I don't see why, if we're okay with the idea of raising animals for food, we don't just eat them as well and receive the added benefits of a more varied, healthier diet (again, I must clarify, this is NOT based on a modern Western diet!). Eating dairy and eggs seems to acknowledge the necessity for animal products in our diets, and I figure, if we can find a good way to do that- why not? If anyone is interested in the specific details on why animals are so important for our health I'm happy to give more info- it's just too much to include here.
*I'd like to add to this section to say that I acknowledge that there are some exceptions to this rule. There are those that truly benefit from a meat-free diet due to various health issues. I do not believe this is the norm, but I do believe it happens.
In protest to animal cruelty and the meat/dairy industry.
I absolutely oppose this too! There's no way I'll try to justify that industry. I am of the mind that these animals are here as equal beings on this planet- and should be treated as such, with great respect. The fact that we've hijacked every available space for them to live and roam is something I think we should remedy. It's horrifying and unnatural, what they do to these animals. I don't condone the industry in the slightest. However, I'm not sure why the lack of support for the industry results in the abandonment of an entire food group- and in the case of pastured livestock, they actually benefit the land and our vegetable growing efforts. Fact is, you don't have to eat meat that supports that industry. Now, buying the right kind of meat takes some research, often times a little more money, and usually a little more rationing as a result, but it seems like just as much (if not less over time) effort than the switch to a plant-based diet. One does NOT have to support corrupt industries to have an omnivorous diet. It will likely be a more modest omnivorous diet, but I'm for that anyway.
Religious reasons.
Obviously, I can't really say much on this one. I can't debate about why someone's god commands them to eat a certain way, so this one gets my thumbs up. It doesn't seem sustainable to me, but I'll get into that next.
Environmental reasons.
This was the one that almost got me going all veggie. On the surface, this seems to make a lot of sense. All the stuff you hear about how so many pounds of grain translate to so many pounds of meat is certainly true. However it's only true in terms of unsustainable and unethical practices. Cows aren't even supposed to eat grain. It makes them sick. That aside, the toll that the agricultural industry takes on the environment is nothing to scoff at. Large scale production of grain and veggies can come at a very high environmental cost, and without the use of animal inputs to help build up the soil, it requires loads of fertilizers and chemicals and pesticides to keep these plants alive and producing. The other thing is that a plant-based diet requires that food be transported from elsewhere, at least during the winter months. I'm looking at the entire infrastructure, and it's not exactly environmentally friendly. I can much more easily eat an organic, local diet with the addition of a modest amount of animal foods. I assume that the idea is that a plant-based diet is supposed to be more sustainable, in addition to being able to feed more people. That may be true (the feeding more people part), but not without the help of toxic influences and the need to transport food all over the place and the inevitable consumption of loads of natural habitats.
Here's where I start to sound really crazy... I'm not so sure that we SHOULD be trying to feed an ever-expanding population. I'm not saying I want people to starve, but I am in favor of working within our means, and a non-localized food system is making us delusional. Plus, it makes our food systems mostly reliant on the influence of big business, which we all know does not have our best interests at heart. I recently heard a story about how in starving parts of India there was a rice surplus, and rather than feeding the people there, they dumped the surplus into the ocean. Why? Because it wasn't going to be bought.
Ethical objection to the taking of an animal life.
This one is tough. I'll try to explain my issues with it as clearly as possible. I guess I understand that those that take this stance believe that the taking of an animal life is wrong, because they are sentient creatures and can feel suffering and pain. I believe that those things are true, they most definitely are sentient and can feel a whole host of emotions. Although, I suspect that it's a uniquely human quality to look on death as being tragic and cruel in these circumstances. We don't begrudge a wolf for catching a rabbit for his dinner. A wolf is just an animal like a human is an animal. We eat what we eat. We might feel a pang of sadness and mourning for the zebra that lost the race with the lion on the nature channel. Some make the case that humans are special in this way and are uniquely able to take this moral high ground because of a higher level of consciousness. Initially I get this argument. I mean, you kill something, that makes suffering and pain. Although, I sort of think that's just life. I mean, the taking of a life is necessary for survival. Everything feeds off of something. And sure, you could make the case that a zebra can feel more suffering than a tree, but I'm not so sure. I'm starting to think that this kind of thinking is just further evidence of our separation from the land base and our own human nature. I think it's unhealthy on both ends. On the one you have the guy eating burgers from a fast food joint every day, unwilling to care about the fate of those animals he so willingly consumes. On the other you have the person who is so appalled by the very idea of eating "flesh" that they act as if it was never a natural practice and was always rooted in cruelty.
As someone who has experienced some pain in my life, my reflection on it is this: pain and suffering is not always a bad thing. There is a distinct difference between pain with a natural purpose, and pain that is caused because of cruelty and exploitation and greed. This is the distinction that I believe should be made. So, ultimately, I see this utilitarian viewpoint as being somewhat dishonest in its nature. Whether you know it or not, the comforts and pleasures you experience come at a cost. I don't really believe that you can experience and be grateful for all this peace and happiness and pleasure without having an understanding of the pain that it's bound to. The killing of an animal for food is something that is very natural and purposeful. I also think that people would be far more grateful for their food and less likely to take it for granted were they able to really see the cost of it in a spiritual sense. This does not seem tragic to me, this seems like the design of life.
This brings me to my next point. How is veganism/vegetarianism really benefiting animals? If we were to all convert to a plant-based diet, how much more habitat would be lost? How many more insects and small animals would suffer as a result of the agricultural industry? How many water creatures would suffer because of industrial runoff? What should we do with all of the existing animals that were formerly used for food? How do we allow these animals to live their natural full lives without a place to live it? If cattle take up so much space and eat so much grain to survive, are we proposing to kill them off? What about the lack of plant diversity and the resulting disease in the plant world? Don't the animals suffer and die for these things? What about the fact that our entire way of life is, in one way or another, fucking up everyone's chance to live on a clean and healthy planet. Why is the act of killing an animal for food morally abhorrent, and yet continuing to feed and perpetuate civilization is just fine? It's just so short sighted to me. I don't claim to know the answers to all these questions, I am by no means an expert, but I'm challenging this perspective by asking just a few more questions. I mean, is it actually doing animals less harm to not kill them for food? I mean, as long as one is making the distinction between need and exploitation, I'm not sure we're doing animals (or ourselves) any favors by abstaining and claiming that it's the moral thing. Just to throw it out there- what if eating meat were to actually be more sustainable (and I don't mean in terms of being able to feed everyone on the planet, I mean in terms of being able to feed local people local food. Thinking about really eating within our means.)? What if that's the case? Wouldn't the animals appreciate a clean planet to live on, in plentiful numbers, rather than one that allows them to live in a toxic and dwindling environment for a few more years? Is death really the worst thing for them?
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That's all I can think of to write on the subject. These are just my personal thoughts, but for so long they've been rattling around in my head and I never seem to get any real dialogue on the subject from my vegetarian/vegan friends (who I greatly respect). Please, I know you might be tired of defending your choices to others, but I really see myself as being on the same side... I just seem to have come to a very different conclusion, and that makes me thirsty for answers. Anything you can contribute to help clarify things for me would be appreciated. At the very least I'm interested in what your reasons are for being vegetarian or vegan, and if you think I've missed anything.
This morning my friend was (with the purest of intentions) talking to me about how the past couple of years of my life I've been really giving of myself to motherhood and the like, and that she looked forward to when I could really "do something for myself".
Earlier this morning, my little Vera took it upon herself to strip completely naked to eat her breakfast at the table. I watched her while she contentedly took large, wobbly spoonfuls of porridge and blueberries and stuffed them in her mouth. When she was finished she took it upon herself to take her bowl and spoon and toss them into the sink with a clank (I've never shown her how to do this) before she went about with her morning play. All day she's been talking to me, telling me all sorts of things that I've yet to understand. This babble is delicious, and I just egg her on by saying things like "Oh, really?" "Tell me more!" and "Well, that's one opinion on the matter..." We even left a message on Jeff's phone where she said "Hello. I love you. Bye bye Papa!"
Lately she's been saying "Vera did it!!" and "I like it!" (most recently about a sip of coffee she snuck... uh oh! A woman after my own heart!) It's about a 50/50 chance that she'll call me either Mama or "Gracie". She's obsessed with reading Pinocchio, eating dried apple slices, peanut butter on a spoon, and kissing Maya. She loves her cousin Tuula like no one else in the world, and has taken to tickling people in the oddest places (usually something like "Tickle tickle mama EYES!!!"). Every time she sees me put on lip balm she gets giddy and then sits very very still while I apply a little to her lips. She is extremely physical, and often falls on her head with a bang. She loves her Papa like crazy, and they often are squealing through the house while I'm on the phone. Sometimes they just run in circles together saying "LA LA LA LA LA!" Jeff thinks this is hilarious. And her hair is getting so long. She spills off me when she nurses and sometimes I just grab one of her legs and say "Who is this big girl in my lap?!"
I see glimpses of her future. I see a strong woman. I see a force to be reckoned with. I see a generous person, someone who easily thinks of others. I see silliness. I see over-reaction. I see whining. I see us being wonderful friends. I see her looking at me with disdain. I see her being so wonderfully herself.
So, someday, when I am FINALLY able to do something for MYSELF for a change, I'll probably just daydream about when I spent most of my days chasing a naked toddler through the house, listening to her babble, and basking in the wonderment of my life. I often sense from some people that they see motherhood as being sacrificial or some kind of obstruction to education and personal growth. I suppose it could be experienced that way, if you aren't careful. So far, though, my experience has been that of exponential growth. Not to mention the daily experience of intense love and gratitude, the feeling of being stretched and challenged and inspired on a regular basis, and learning more about myself and the world every day. This job is not without my hair-pulling "I just need a ******* minute to myself!" kind of moments, but all in all I'd say there's absolutely nowhere else I'd rather be than with my sweet little girl and this beautiful family of mine.
Today I'm staying grateful for the simpler things, for those are the things that really seem to sustain me.
( Read more... )
Quote of the day:
"We are indeed much more than we eat, but what we eat can nevertheless help us to be much more than what we are." -Adelle Davis
I'm fascinated by native American history lately. I basically want to apprentice with them 400 years ago, in this very spot, and learn all about how to live on the land and reconnect with that form of spirituality. I want to learn how they made everything and where their sacred spots were. I want to see the wild animals, and watch them interact with them. I want to see how they dealt with their children- everything from potty training, first foods, teaching them not to eat poisonous things, all of it. I want to know how they cut their toenails and how they took care of their hair. Fascinating, I tell you.
I hate that we've turned this place into a wasteland. That's the other thing, I'm kind of ruined for just mindlessly enjoying things lately. Like, there's this new parking lot in downtown Ann Arbor that I saw with my friend. I forget exactly what it's made of- something recycled- but it's porous and allows rainwater to go through to the ground, reducing runoff. This is a good thing, right? There's a big sign all about this new "sustainable development", and all I can think to say is "Oh, so it's just less destructive, and that's what we call sustainable now..." Bah. and Humbug. Jeff was talking last night about compact fluorescent bulbs, and how they are marketed like "Uses 80% less energy" convincing you that you are somehow saving the planet by buying these things. All the while, they take loads of energy to produce and are totally toxic and hard to dispose of. It's just not the whole picture. I mean, don't get me wrong, we use them all through our house and I haven't had to change a light bulb in four years... so that's cool. I see that. But ultimately maybe we should be lighting candles at night. I mean, I'm starting to look at things in a more honest light. I'm not trying to be a cynic, but no matter how many recycled parking lots and compact fluorescents we have, it's still not even slowing down the exponential destruction and toxification of the planet. This has been a tough lesson for me to learn, especially considering how much I bought into the whole personal responsibility thing. I really thought that if we all just change our lives and live consciously then we'd make a big enough difference. Now, while I do believe in the great importance of changing my own life, I think the real problem has to do with the corporations that are truly poisoning and wrecking the earth. And they've convinced us that it's good for us. And that we can help. That it's up to us! That we can buy "green" and make a difference. One person at a time, they say. No, one CONSUMER at a time! Yet THEY are the biggest problem of all. My light bulbs and water usage are not making a dent. They are toxifying our water, and making us pay for it. It's insane. You know that helpful stuff, fluoride? Well, they've got us thinking that it's good for our teeth. I've heard that if you go into your grandparents basement and find an old box of rat poison, guess what the main ingredient is? I wish I was making this up. The fact is that flouride is an industrial waste product that they couldn't find a good way to dispose of. Like I said, I wish I was making this up. How can we stand for this? That's been the real issue that's been weighing on my mind. This needs to stop. How do we stop it?
The other thing that I believe has done damage to this movement is the idea that by stopping these corporations and evil-doers of the world, we'll be somehow limiting personal freedom. What if people want their SUVs and their Walmarts and their lightbulbs and whatever? YOU can't tell them what to do. Something that Derrick Jensen said really hit home for me on this subject. He said that it's about taking away rights that were never theirs to begin with. It's like someone has come into your home and decided to put tiny amounts of poison in your food, and the food of your family. Not just that, but you're going to pay this person for this disservice. And you're going to be convinced that this is what you want. That's absurd, right? We'd kick that person out on their ass and tell them to never come back again. That's what these "rights" and "choices" are doing. Fact is, no one has the right to poison someone else's water or air or land. I can't think of anyone who would disagree with that, and yet we are all letting it happen in an enormous way. Perhaps it's too scary for people to be honest about.
Anyway, it's nice to be able to finally write about this a little. Now pictures. :)
The past week has been filled with friends and nice weather. Jeff started prepping the garden for spring, which we probably should have done last month or something, but that's how we do it around here. Just under the wire. We moved our whole house around, also. I have a before and after series coming that I'm excited about. So much change! We're having fun and this place feels really homey to me.
Halloween! Vera was a little brown cat. I could've eaten her up. It was fun to walk up and down the street with her, she was so wide-eyed and interested. I'm not sure that we're going to be conventional Halloweeners though. I never celebrated it as a kid, so it's just kind of unfamiliar, and Jeff and I have thoughts on it that I think will lead us to a fun new tradition. Sort of combining the ideas of harvest and play and dress up, community and creativity, good food, and a sort of Day of the Dead-esque look at death and our ancestry. The one thing I'm not a big fan of on this holiday is all the gore and fear surrounding death. I see that as being somewhat damaging, despite everyone's good intentions. I want to talk honestly about death and the people who have died, and try to normalize it rather than focus on how scary it is.
( Read more... )
Quote of the day:
"I've grown certain that the root of all fear is that we've been forced to deny who we are." (Frances Moore Lappe)
This is the restaurant across the street from the food coop I go to. I never pay much attention to it, but on this day I noticed that the vines were all rainbow colored and downright lovely.
( Read more... )
*Next time- I'm doing a serious post about food. Don't let me off the hook on this one!
Quote of the day (and definitely a new favorite):
"There is nothing like a newborn baby to renew your spirit- and to buttress your resolve to make the world a better place." (Virginia Kelley)
I'm undergoing a lot of change, lately. I mean, I'm always moving and growing and doing new things, but this feels different. Almost like I'm undergoing some kind of a transformation. All the new information I've been hit with in the past few months has left me feeling a little run over. Recognizing the vast and serious damage that we are doing to our beautiful, nourishing, awesome, primary earth is enough to leave me with a permanent lump in my throat. I'm dealing with feelings of uncertainty and fear, but also experiencing an awakening of spirit and purpose. I'm doing a lot of accepting and soul-searching. I've been meaning to write about these thoughts for a while now, but it's difficult when I've yet to realize what it all means. I'm starting to find the words, lately, and I hope to try to organize my thoughts here in the near future.
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My dad and I went to a Phil Ochs tribute concert last night. It was wonderful. He wrote songs that really said something. I wish there was more of that. A few hours of protest songs put you in a... mood. I'm seeing where this will take me.
This is one of his songs (And, actually, one of the best songs I've ever heard). I tried to find the original, but happened on this cover by Ani, which is just great, so I decided to post it instead. This song is really in the vein of what I've been feeling about things lately, so with that in mind...
Quote of the day:
"There's no place in this world where I'll belong when I'm gone
And I won't know the right from the wrong when I'm gone
And you won't find me singin' on this song when I'm gone
So I guess I'll have to do it while I'm here" (Phil Ochs)
I managed to store a lot of food (I'll have the final tally pretty soon). I kept my expectations low and I treated garden time/research/weeding/whatever like it was a treat- a welcome respite in the midst of a hectic world. I think part of what gave me that perspective was the fact that we bought this house and I was feeling grateful about even being able to have any of it. I had so much to feel grateful for this year. I hope I stay grateful, it made work feel like play.
Anyway, I thought I'd share some pictures. The evolution of the garden, year one.
I found this on the side of the road last week on trash day. It was inside of this huge beautiful basket that I spotted (people really throw this great stuff out!) and wanted for my living room to hold blankets and yoga stuff. It felt so right, too, because engraved on the box it says "Life begins the day you start a garden." I love it.
( Garden, Orchard, etc. )
"There can be no other occupation like gardening in which, if you were to creep up behind someone at their work, you would find them smiling." ~Mirabel Osler
It's been another eventful week, and it's only Wednesday! On Monday Max was hospitalized for a fever. He and my sister have been in the hospital for the past few days, and they were even on some kind of a swine flu alert for a little while. Everything came back clean, thankfully, and it looks like he just caught the little cold that Gretchen and Tuula had right before she went into labor. He's just so little, though, and it must've took a toll on that baby body. They're going home today, so I'll stop by there later to check on them and bring them their CSA veggies.
Just a few more weeks on the food storage front and then it'll be time to work on other things. I've still got lots of apples to pick and process to make applesauce, dried apple rings, and just plain old apple slices to can for desserts later in the year. I'm also gonna do lots of pureed pumpkin (I'm excited to try this recipe), canned collard greens (cooked with ham hocks, yum...), kale soup, and a few other odds and ends and random pickling/lacto-fermenting experiments. I just made my first batch of sauerkraut (will be done in a few more weeks), and it STINKS during the initial ferment. On day 3 I was very ready to exile it to the fridge downstairs. I love sauerkraut and can eat it with practically every meal, but this was not an appetizing process. I did it correctly and read that the smell is normal and will go away with time. Thank goodness for that research, though, because I may not have tossed it but I might not ever try it. Our friend who's living with us right now said that he would expect it to smell something like rotting cabbage... it smelled better than that, and I guess that's kind of what we're doing. We're just controlling the bacterial environment to keep it edible. So with that in mind, bon appetite! haha. I'm sure it will be delicious in a month. :)
This is what I did with all those green tomatoes. 
I'm now thinking about food for the winter and how to make our stores last as long as possible. I'll be really surprised if our produce lasts the whole winter, but I'm remaining optimistic. Things to tackle for the winter include (mostly for my own reference, but if anyone is interested all the better):
- Making and mastering a sourdough bread recipe that I can make weekly
- Sprouting sprouting sprouting. Especially interested in mastering large sprouts that will infuse our diets with some freshness over the winter- things that come to mind are mung bean sprouts and sunflower shoots. I'm just learning, so I'm sure I'll try out a variety of things and then narrow it down from there.
- Making my own tortillas. I'd love to make sprouted tortillas, although I'll have to do more research on how to sprout the grain and then process it properly.
- Finding as-local-as-possible grain/oats/other bulk food sources and buying directly (I plan to store whole wheat berries in the basement in a big bin and grind them fresh- or sprout and grind them- for bread/tortillas as needed).
- Making my own yogurt. I keep planning to do this, but just postpone... This Friday I'm pledging to make my first batch! I'd like to make a quart or so a week.
- Having "bulk recipe days" with friends and making big quantities of things like pizza dough or soups or whatever to freeze for future easy meals.
- Make my own mozzarella. I've heard it's super easy and I'd love to put big slabs of it on our homemade pizza.
- Thinking about alternatives. I want to really localize, but coconut oil is just not that... so I'm trying to think about phasing these things out without compromising our health and happiness.
- Making meal plans. Taking on these new things will likely overwhelm me some in the coming weeks. So simplifying things and making a schedule will only take a few extra minutes every week and will leave me with a concrete idea of what kind of prep is needed for each meal and what ingredients we have. It'll also help me strategize and keep us eating a variety of food so that nothing is left lonely in the back of the freezer for months on end.
- knitting. I'm just a beginner, really, and I just want to keep getting better. It just seems like a good idea to keep flexing that creative muscle even when you're vegging on the couch or waiting in the doctor's office. Right now I'm working on a special doll for Tuula (cuz now she's a big sister!)
- sewing. I have several projects in mind and so my goal is really just to set up my sewing area and bust those things out. It'll be very cleansing, I think.
- Start drawing/painting/playing guitar again. This stuff got pushed to the side when I started doing... well, everything else, so I'd like to rekindle some of that because I really loved it.
- set up/plan the garden for spring. Also do something with my totally shaded front yard so that it's not a total bore.
- Figure out about where to get chickens, build the coop. The coop will likely wait until the spring, but seeing as how we aren't buying new materials and we are going to attach a greenhouse to it, we'll need to do some designing and creative scavenging to make it happen.
- Get acquainted with more local scavenging resources. I'd like to find junkyards and meet the people who run them. I'd like to find untended fruit trees and other foraging areas and get educated about how to identify what's edible and what's not. Um, wild mushroom omelette, anyone? I'd like to go along with some seasoned dumpster divers and learn their tricks. I might make a few new friends!
- Book club.
- Take a class on herbs. I'm really interested in that stuff, and my love for it all came flooding back when I was mixing the postpartum herbal bath for my sister. I remembered how wonderful that stuff was in healing me, and it also made Vera's cord fall off in 4 days! Normally that takes like 2 weeks. It was cool. I tend to feel headachey and nauseous with chemically things, even stuff that's supposed to smell nice like lotions and stuff. Essential oils and things, and straight herbs are intoxicating to me, though, and I'd love to learn how to make my own tinctures and stuff. I also am a big fan of preventative medicine, and if I can learn how to use herbs to keep us healthy, that'd be awesome too. Like red raspberry leaf tea. I drank that all through pregnancy and when I finally got my period back I had almost zero cramps for months. The only time they made an appearance was months later when I had gotten out of the habit of drinking it and was drinking way more coffee. It got me thinking...
- Get my master gardener certification, or at least start the process.
- Work on making money in alternative ways so that Jeff can cut down to part time and spend more time with us.
( Read more... )
Oooh, tonight is extra special because Jeff and I were invited to sit in on a class at EMU where Derrick Jensen is skyping in! This is really cool. Jensen is this author we're totally obsessed with right now, so it's kind of a big deal to us. I'm sure I'll write more about this later.
Quote of the day:
"“What I fear and desire most in this world is passion. I fear it because it promises to be spontaneous, out of control, unnamed, beyond my reasonable self. I desire it because passion has color, like the landscape before me. It is not pale. It is not neutral. It reveals the backside of the heart.” (Derrick Jensen)
( Read more... )
Happy Fall everyone!
Quote of the day:
"No one who has ever brought up a child can doubt for a moment that love is literally the life-giving fluid of human existance." -Smiley Blanton
I attribute this image, now scarred forever into my skin, as being symbolic of my dedication to the natural world, to love and to truth, to those around me (both human and nonhuman), and to my very spirit. I can no longer stand by and watch as our home and our bodies are poisoned and not do my best to stop it. I mean, so many people just watch from the sidelines, scared and abused so long that they can't even mobilize and get themselves out, let alone stop feeding the monster. I will not be one to forget, and I won't be one to do nothing. That's what this means to me. It means I'm in for a great deal of change... I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't just the tiniest bit uneasy about it all, but I know in my heart it's the right thing.
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Jeff and I had a talk recently about family size. I have always really admired and loved bigger families that I've known, and so I had this vision of having half a dozen kids or something, and we'd all live busily and happily and have a very large eating table and a warm house and... yeah. We both come from families with 4 kids in them, so we thought that sounded reasonable. As we grow in this way of life, though, the harder it is to justify that choice. We are just too many in number, us humans. Really it's not about number, it's about consumption. But we can't seem to get a handle on that, we are killing the planet, and I truly believe there are just too many of us. I decided that three kids was a good compromise, and we talked about how if all the environmentalists stop raising kids then who are we left with, and so on. Then Jeff and I had a tough talk about it and finally settled on two. Two kids. We'll live simply and hopefully find a way to be self-sustaining (or as close as we can be) and pass on those skills to our kids . Who knows what the future will bring, but we have control over this aspect of our lives, and it's just... seeming right.
I got to thinking about why I saw this decision as being a bit of a loss, and it's been enlightening. I realized why I love big families so much, and it's because they were living so naturally together- working side by side, sharing all that they had. I think kids that had many siblings had many advantages in terms of learning about the value of simple work, sharing, interdependence, the list goes on and on. The families I knew were so beautiful together. I realized that I don't have to birth many children to have this- I can find that community all around me. My instincts in this area are good, I just have to figure out how to fulfill those needs for community in different ways. I think this will be good.
Giving birth was the most primal, natural, powerful thing I've ever done. It connected me to life in a new way, and now I'm always trying to see that truth in other things, trying to remember that feeling. It actually doesn't take much to find it, it's everywhere. It's lead me down this very distinct path, one that I am excited about and welcome, but is not entirely within my comfort zone. It's scary in some ways, but I also trust it. Just like giving birth was a little scary (mostly because of the unknown, really), it was also empowering and enlightening. I'm starting to think that returning to truth is this way, too. It's rocking my whole foundation- we're so good at pretending we aren't the animals that we are, that we can modify and fix ourselves- to eliminate pain and suffering and outsource all of our needs so that we are just civilized echos of what we used to be. But I don't think that's right. I don't think that gets us where we need to and really want to be.
If we follow a path of love then we most certainly open ourselves up to the potential for great pain. I think these two things exist side by side. The deeper I love those around me, the harder it will hurt when/if they leave me. It's just science, really. I've been meditating on this when I contemplate making these changes in my life. Some of it is uncomfortable to realize. I have to let go of my dependency on things that really (seem to) make me happy. One of the most obvious examples is the food that we eat. We were only eating vegetarian/fish when we went out to eat, because of the obvious reasons (factory farming and tortured animals and all that...), but then we realized that's not good enough. We realized that the fishing industry is enormously harmful, even if the fish aren't tortured in an obvious way. It's damage to the oceans and underwater ecosystems is catastrophic, and we will soon see the damage in our everyday lives. Then we thought about tofu/veggie options, and it's the same. Industrial agriculture is unbelievable harmful. Pesticides, herbicides, water usage, industrial runoff into the groundwater, the decimation of natural habitats, all of it. This all comes at a horrible cost. So for a little while we went out and ate what we wanted (inexcusably, really, we just felt limp about it). Now we have to fully address it. There are a few restaurants around that serve food that we can eat, but mostly we have to eat in. We did mostly anyway, but I will miss things. I'll miss sushi. I'll miss coffee. I'll miss chocolate. I'll miss convenience. I'll miss pretending it was okay.
This is not without it's "painful" side effects. But I'm counting on that pendulum swing- I'm counting on realizing the love on the other side of all this uncomfortable change. I'm already realizing some of it, and that helps give me momentum. Clearing my conscience is a good start. We're healthier for these changes, certainly. We're connecting with ourselves and each other in a way that we never have before. Jeff and I are way closer and more intimate (somewhat unexpectedly) due to these changes. That encourages me, it's already some of the fruit of our efforts. It starts with taking a chance, though. Diving in, making the commitment. I realize I've only just begun. So that's my project these days. I'm trying to be honest.
Quote of the day:
"And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields." (Kahlil Gibran)
