![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
My sister and I were talking yesterday about keeping things simple. There is so much to sift through in this life- especially if you're trying to live it consciously and consistently. What a job sometimes! It's enough to make my head spin on most days. Anyway, she kept repeating the phrase "Chop wood, carry water.", which apparently is an old zen saying. I can't tell you how much I love this. It's funny, too, considering that my life requires neither of those jobs- unless you count a watering can from time to time... Regardless, I'm soaking in its intention for my life.
Something that my parents really pounded into us as kids was that you didn't have to feel great about something to do it anyway, because you know it's what you need to do. It was the whole "fake it til you make it" kind of mentality, and I believe it's benefited me so far. So, I'm meditating on that lately- having faith that as long as my actions are in line with what I believe is right, I'll find myself where I'm supposed to be- with new wisdom and energy for the future. It doesn't matter if I see the difference those actions make, it doesn't matter if I feel tired or worn out, it doesn't matter if I have no idea what the future holds or what I'm really meant to do... I just do the next right thing and I'll find myself where I'm supposed to be. Chop wood. Carry water. So, as I was thinking about this stuff, only a few things stuck out to me. It's pretty refreshing to see how uncomplicated it all is when I break it down.
I need to care for and nourish those around me, even when I'm as tired as she is.
I need to keep taking care of this home, even when I'm not sure where to start.
I need to keep learning... and to know when to take a break and simply enjoy myself, so that I can have the energy to DO something with that knowledge.
I need to remember to be grateful, and appreciate the small things. This one is big. It's kind of what it's all about sometimes...
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/22/opini
I frequently read things like this. I'm going along, so SO agreeing to some things, and yet drawing such a very different conclusion. I preface the rest of this post by saying that I do not mean to offend anyone- I'm just long confused by this issue and am thirsty for some answers- primarily from my vegetarian/vegan friends, and anyone else who has any thoughts on this matter.
For those who don't want to read the article (although it's an easy, short read), it's basically a guy who makes the case that it is morally wrong to kill/use animals for human ends- regardless of the way that they were raised and slaughtered. He talks about how animals are able to feel suffering, also whether or not humans have the moral right to use animals for their pleasure, etc. I don't think he makes a great case, although, it got me thinking seriously about the debate between vegetable based/omnivorous diets, and I'm really in the market for answers, here. So here goes my ramble.
Of the reasons for becoming a vegan/vegetarian, here are the ones I'm familiar with-
a) It's healthier.
b) In protest to animal cruelty and the meat/dairy industry.
c) Religious reasons.
d) Environmental reasons.
e) Ethical objection to the taking of an animal life.
I'll just go down the line.
It's healthier.
The argument that a vegan/vegetarian diet is healthier- This is surely true in comparison to your average Western diet. Laden with chemicals and preservatives and hormone-filled meats, it does not surprise me in the slightest to look at statistics of how much healthier a veggie diet is. However, the thing that I so often see glossed over is the fact that a diet that is void of animal products is lacking. The talk about how a person can find all the nutrients they need in plant form is misleading- what about our ability to absorb and use those nutrients? Animal fat plays an important role in our health, from the absorption of essential nutrients to the development of brain cells. Our relationship to those essential nutrients is a much more complex one than we think. There are so many reasons why we evolved as omnivores- and it's a shame there's so much shotty information out there about nutrition. My research tells me that it is far healthier to eat lots of vegetables paired with pastured, completely natural meats, using all of the animal (meaning, ground beef and chicken breast is not a good representation of a healthy omnivorous diet. I'm talking about one that uses the whole animal, consuming organs and bone broths as well as the more common cuts.)
I assume it's no secret that a vegan diet requires some supplementation to be healthy. Face value, that just seems unhealthy to me. I would much rather rely on whole foods than require supplementation to get by- not to mention the fact that the diet itself seems unnatural to me as a whole. I do think that it is much more possible to be healthy with a vegetarian diet, but only with the inclusion of whole dairy (preferably raw from pastured animals) and good eggs. However, when I think about that, I have issues with the sustainability side of it, along with the idea that it's okay to keep animals for their milk and eggs, but just not for their meat. It seems a justification to me and I don't see why, if we're okay with the idea of raising animals for food, we don't just eat them as well and receive the added benefits of a more varied, healthier diet (again, I must clarify, this is NOT based on a modern Western diet!). Eating dairy and eggs seems to acknowledge the necessity for animal products in our diets, and I figure, if we can find a good way to do that- why not? If anyone is interested in the specific details on why animals are so important for our health I'm happy to give more info- it's just too much to include here.
*I'd like to add to this section to say that I acknowledge that there are some exceptions to this rule. There are those that truly benefit from a meat-free diet due to various health issues. I do not believe this is the norm, but I do believe it happens.
In protest to animal cruelty and the meat/dairy industry.
I absolutely oppose this too! There's no way I'll try to justify that industry. I am of the mind that these animals are here as equal beings on this planet- and should be treated as such, with great respect. The fact that we've hijacked every available space for them to live and roam is something I think we should remedy. It's horrifying and unnatural, what they do to these animals. I don't condone the industry in the slightest. However, I'm not sure why the lack of support for the industry results in the abandonment of an entire food group- and in the case of pastured livestock, they actually benefit the land and our vegetable growing efforts. Fact is, you don't have to eat meat that supports that industry. Now, buying the right kind of meat takes some research, often times a little more money, and usually a little more rationing as a result, but it seems like just as much (if not less over time) effort than the switch to a plant-based diet. One does NOT have to support corrupt industries to have an omnivorous diet. It will likely be a more modest omnivorous diet, but I'm for that anyway.
Religious reasons.
Obviously, I can't really say much on this one. I can't debate about why someone's god commands them to eat a certain way, so this one gets my thumbs up. It doesn't seem sustainable to me, but I'll get into that next.
Environmental reasons.
This was the one that almost got me going all veggie. On the surface, this seems to make a lot of sense. All the stuff you hear about how so many pounds of grain translate to so many pounds of meat is certainly true. However it's only true in terms of unsustainable and unethical practices. Cows aren't even supposed to eat grain. It makes them sick. That aside, the toll that the agricultural industry takes on the environment is nothing to scoff at. Large scale production of grain and veggies can come at a very high environmental cost, and without the use of animal inputs to help build up the soil, it requires loads of fertilizers and chemicals and pesticides to keep these plants alive and producing. The other thing is that a plant-based diet requires that food be transported from elsewhere, at least during the winter months. I'm looking at the entire infrastructure, and it's not exactly environmentally friendly. I can much more easily eat an organic, local diet with the addition of a modest amount of animal foods. I assume that the idea is that a plant-based diet is supposed to be more sustainable, in addition to being able to feed more people. That may be true (the feeding more people part), but not without the help of toxic influences and the need to transport food all over the place and the inevitable consumption of loads of natural habitats.
Here's where I start to sound really crazy... I'm not so sure that we SHOULD be trying to feed an ever-expanding population. I'm not saying I want people to starve, but I am in favor of working within our means, and a non-localized food system is making us delusional. Plus, it makes our food systems mostly reliant on the influence of big business, which we all know does not have our best interests at heart. I recently heard a story about how in starving parts of India there was a rice surplus, and rather than feeding the people there, they dumped the surplus into the ocean. Why? Because it wasn't going to be bought.
Ethical objection to the taking of an animal life.
This one is tough. I'll try to explain my issues with it as clearly as possible. I guess I understand that those that take this stance believe that the taking of an animal life is wrong, because they are sentient creatures and can feel suffering and pain. I believe that those things are true, they most definitely are sentient and can feel a whole host of emotions. Although, I suspect that it's a uniquely human quality to look on death as being tragic and cruel in these circumstances. We don't begrudge a wolf for catching a rabbit for his dinner. A wolf is just an animal like a human is an animal. We eat what we eat. We might feel a pang of sadness and mourning for the zebra that lost the race with the lion on the nature channel. Some make the case that humans are special in this way and are uniquely able to take this moral high ground because of a higher level of consciousness. Initially I get this argument. I mean, you kill something, that makes suffering and pain. Although, I sort of think that's just life. I mean, the taking of a life is necessary for survival. Everything feeds off of something. And sure, you could make the case that a zebra can feel more suffering than a tree, but I'm not so sure. I'm starting to think that this kind of thinking is just further evidence of our separation from the land base and our own human nature. I think it's unhealthy on both ends. On the one you have the guy eating burgers from a fast food joint every day, unwilling to care about the fate of those animals he so willingly consumes. On the other you have the person who is so appalled by the very idea of eating "flesh" that they act as if it was never a natural practice and was always rooted in cruelty.
As someone who has experienced some pain in my life, my reflection on it is this: pain and suffering is not always a bad thing. There is a distinct difference between pain with a natural purpose, and pain that is caused because of cruelty and exploitation and greed. This is the distinction that I believe should be made. So, ultimately, I see this utilitarian viewpoint as being somewhat dishonest in its nature. Whether you know it or not, the comforts and pleasures you experience come at a cost. I don't really believe that you can experience and be grateful for all this peace and happiness and pleasure without having an understanding of the pain that it's bound to. The killing of an animal for food is something that is very natural and purposeful. I also think that people would be far more grateful for their food and less likely to take it for granted were they able to really see the cost of it in a spiritual sense. This does not seem tragic to me, this seems like the design of life.
This brings me to my next point. How is veganism/vegetarianism really benefiting animals? If we were to all convert to a plant-based diet, how much more habitat would be lost? How many more insects and small animals would suffer as a result of the agricultural industry? How many water creatures would suffer because of industrial runoff? What should we do with all of the existing animals that were formerly used for food? How do we allow these animals to live their natural full lives without a place to live it? If cattle take up so much space and eat so much grain to survive, are we proposing to kill them off? What about the lack of plant diversity and the resulting disease in the plant world? Don't the animals suffer and die for these things? What about the fact that our entire way of life is, in one way or another, fucking up everyone's chance to live on a clean and healthy planet. Why is the act of killing an animal for food morally abhorrent, and yet continuing to feed and perpetuate civilization is just fine? It's just so short sighted to me. I don't claim to know the answers to all these questions, I am by no means an expert, but I'm challenging this perspective by asking just a few more questions. I mean, is it actually doing animals less harm to not kill them for food? I mean, as long as one is making the distinction between need and exploitation, I'm not sure we're doing animals (or ourselves) any favors by abstaining and claiming that it's the moral thing. Just to throw it out there- what if eating meat were to actually be more sustainable (and I don't mean in terms of being able to feed everyone on the planet, I mean in terms of being able to feed local people local food. Thinking about really eating within our means.)? What if that's the case? Wouldn't the animals appreciate a clean planet to live on, in plentiful numbers, rather than one that allows them to live in a toxic and dwindling environment for a few more years? Is death really the worst thing for them?
---
That's all I can think of to write on the subject. These are just my personal thoughts, but for so long they've been rattling around in my head and I never seem to get any real dialogue on the subject from my vegetarian/vegan friends (who I greatly respect). Please, I know you might be tired of defending your choices to others, but I really see myself as being on the same side... I just seem to have come to a very different conclusion, and that makes me thirsty for answers. Anything you can contribute to help clarify things for me would be appreciated. At the very least I'm interested in what your reasons are for being vegetarian or vegan, and if you think I've missed anything.
This morning my friend was (with the purest of intentions) talking to me about how the past couple of years of my life I've been really giving of myself to motherhood and the like, and that she looked forward to when I could really "do something for myself".
Earlier this morning, my little Vera took it upon herself to strip completely naked to eat her breakfast at the table. I watched her while she contentedly took large, wobbly spoonfuls of porridge and blueberries and stuffed them in her mouth. When she was finished she took it upon herself to take her bowl and spoon and toss them into the sink with a clank (I've never shown her how to do this) before she went about with her morning play. All day she's been talking to me, telling me all sorts of things that I've yet to understand. This babble is delicious, and I just egg her on by saying things like "Oh, really?" "Tell me more!" and "Well, that's one opinion on the matter..." We even left a message on Jeff's phone where she said "Hello. I love you. Bye bye Papa!"
Lately she's been saying "Vera did it!!" and "I like it!" (most recently about a sip of coffee she snuck... uh oh! A woman after my own heart!) It's about a 50/50 chance that she'll call me either Mama or "Gracie". She's obsessed with reading Pinocchio, eating dried apple slices, peanut butter on a spoon, and kissing Maya. She loves her cousin Tuula like no one else in the world, and has taken to tickling people in the oddest places (usually something like "Tickle tickle mama EYES!!!"). Every time she sees me put on lip balm she gets giddy and then sits very very still while I apply a little to her lips. She is extremely physical, and often falls on her head with a bang. She loves her Papa like crazy, and they often are squealing through the house while I'm on the phone. Sometimes they just run in circles together saying "LA LA LA LA LA!" Jeff thinks this is hilarious. And her hair is getting so long. She spills off me when she nurses and sometimes I just grab one of her legs and say "Who is this big girl in my lap?!"
I see glimpses of her future. I see a strong woman. I see a force to be reckoned with. I see a generous person, someone who easily thinks of others. I see silliness. I see over-reaction. I see whining. I see us being wonderful friends. I see her looking at me with disdain. I see her being so wonderfully herself.
So, someday, when I am FINALLY able to do something for MYSELF for a change, I'll probably just daydream about when I spent most of my days chasing a naked toddler through the house, listening to her babble, and basking in the wonderment of my life. I often sense from some people that they see motherhood as being sacrificial or some kind of obstruction to education and personal growth. I suppose it could be experienced that way, if you aren't careful. So far, though, my experience has been that of exponential growth. Not to mention the daily experience of intense love and gratitude, the feeling of being stretched and challenged and inspired on a regular basis, and learning more about myself and the world every day. This job is not without my hair-pulling "I just need a ******* minute to myself!" kind of moments, but all in all I'd say there's absolutely nowhere else I'd rather be than with my sweet little girl and this beautiful family of mine.
Today I'm staying grateful for the simpler things, for those are the things that really seem to sustain me.
( Read more... )
Quote of the day:
"We are indeed much more than we eat, but what we eat can nevertheless help us to be much more than what we are." -Adelle Davis
I'm fascinated by native American history lately. I basically want to apprentice with them 400 years ago, in this very spot, and learn all about how to live on the land and reconnect with that form of spirituality. I want to learn how they made everything and where their sacred spots were. I want to see the wild animals, and watch them interact with them. I want to see how they dealt with their children- everything from potty training, first foods, teaching them not to eat poisonous things, all of it. I want to know how they cut their toenails and how they took care of their hair. Fascinating, I tell you.
I hate that we've turned this place into a wasteland. That's the other thing, I'm kind of ruined for just mindlessly enjoying things lately. Like, there's this new parking lot in downtown Ann Arbor that I saw with my friend. I forget exactly what it's made of- something recycled- but it's porous and allows rainwater to go through to the ground, reducing runoff. This is a good thing, right? There's a big sign all about this new "sustainable development", and all I can think to say is "Oh, so it's just less destructive, and that's what we call sustainable now..." Bah. and Humbug. Jeff was talking last night about compact fluorescent bulbs, and how they are marketed like "Uses 80% less energy" convincing you that you are somehow saving the planet by buying these things. All the while, they take loads of energy to produce and are totally toxic and hard to dispose of. It's just not the whole picture. I mean, don't get me wrong, we use them all through our house and I haven't had to change a light bulb in four years... so that's cool. I see that. But ultimately maybe we should be lighting candles at night. I mean, I'm starting to look at things in a more honest light. I'm not trying to be a cynic, but no matter how many recycled parking lots and compact fluorescents we have, it's still not even slowing down the exponential destruction and toxification of the planet. This has been a tough lesson for me to learn, especially considering how much I bought into the whole personal responsibility thing. I really thought that if we all just change our lives and live consciously then we'd make a big enough difference. Now, while I do believe in the great importance of changing my own life, I think the real problem has to do with the corporations that are truly poisoning and wrecking the earth. And they've convinced us that it's good for us. And that we can help. That it's up to us! That we can buy "green" and make a difference. One person at a time, they say. No, one CONSUMER at a time! Yet THEY are the biggest problem of all. My light bulbs and water usage are not making a dent. They are toxifying our water, and making us pay for it. It's insane. You know that helpful stuff, fluoride? Well, they've got us thinking that it's good for our teeth. I've heard that if you go into your grandparents basement and find an old box of rat poison, guess what the main ingredient is? I wish I was making this up. The fact is that flouride is an industrial waste product that they couldn't find a good way to dispose of. Like I said, I wish I was making this up. How can we stand for this? That's been the real issue that's been weighing on my mind. This needs to stop. How do we stop it?
The other thing that I believe has done damage to this movement is the idea that by stopping these corporations and evil-doers of the world, we'll be somehow limiting personal freedom. What if people want their SUVs and their Walmarts and their lightbulbs and whatever? YOU can't tell them what to do. Something that Derrick Jensen said really hit home for me on this subject. He said that it's about taking away rights that were never theirs to begin with. It's like someone has come into your home and decided to put tiny amounts of poison in your food, and the food of your family. Not just that, but you're going to pay this person for this disservice. And you're going to be convinced that this is what you want. That's absurd, right? We'd kick that person out on their ass and tell them to never come back again. That's what these "rights" and "choices" are doing. Fact is, no one has the right to poison someone else's water or air or land. I can't think of anyone who would disagree with that, and yet we are all letting it happen in an enormous way. Perhaps it's too scary for people to be honest about.
Anyway, it's nice to be able to finally write about this a little. Now pictures. :)
The past week has been filled with friends and nice weather. Jeff started prepping the garden for spring, which we probably should have done last month or something, but that's how we do it around here. Just under the wire. We moved our whole house around, also. I have a before and after series coming that I'm excited about. So much change! We're having fun and this place feels really homey to me.
Halloween! Vera was a little brown cat. I could've eaten her up. It was fun to walk up and down the street with her, she was so wide-eyed and interested. I'm not sure that we're going to be conventional Halloweeners though. I never celebrated it as a kid, so it's just kind of unfamiliar, and Jeff and I have thoughts on it that I think will lead us to a fun new tradition. Sort of combining the ideas of harvest and play and dress up, community and creativity, good food, and a sort of Day of the Dead-esque look at death and our ancestry. The one thing I'm not a big fan of on this holiday is all the gore and fear surrounding death. I see that as being somewhat damaging, despite everyone's good intentions. I want to talk honestly about death and the people who have died, and try to normalize it rather than focus on how scary it is.
( Read more... )
Quote of the day:
"I've grown certain that the root of all fear is that we've been forced to deny who we are." (Frances Moore Lappe)
This is the restaurant across the street from the food coop I go to. I never pay much attention to it, but on this day I noticed that the vines were all rainbow colored and downright lovely.
( Read more... )
*Next time- I'm doing a serious post about food. Don't let me off the hook on this one!
Quote of the day (and definitely a new favorite):
"There is nothing like a newborn baby to renew your spirit- and to buttress your resolve to make the world a better place." (Virginia Kelley)
I'm undergoing a lot of change, lately. I mean, I'm always moving and growing and doing new things, but this feels different. Almost like I'm undergoing some kind of a transformation. All the new information I've been hit with in the past few months has left me feeling a little run over. Recognizing the vast and serious damage that we are doing to our beautiful, nourishing, awesome, primary earth is enough to leave me with a permanent lump in my throat. I'm dealing with feelings of uncertainty and fear, but also experiencing an awakening of spirit and purpose. I'm doing a lot of accepting and soul-searching. I've been meaning to write about these thoughts for a while now, but it's difficult when I've yet to realize what it all means. I'm starting to find the words, lately, and I hope to try to organize my thoughts here in the near future.
---
My dad and I went to a Phil Ochs tribute concert last night. It was wonderful. He wrote songs that really said something. I wish there was more of that. A few hours of protest songs put you in a... mood. I'm seeing where this will take me.
This is one of his songs (And, actually, one of the best songs I've ever heard). I tried to find the original, but happened on this cover by Ani, which is just great, so I decided to post it instead. This song is really in the vein of what I've been feeling about things lately, so with that in mind...
Quote of the day:
"There's no place in this world where I'll belong when I'm gone
And I won't know the right from the wrong when I'm gone
And you won't find me singin' on this song when I'm gone
So I guess I'll have to do it while I'm here" (Phil Ochs)
I managed to store a lot of food (I'll have the final tally pretty soon). I kept my expectations low and I treated garden time/research/weeding/whatever like it was a treat- a welcome respite in the midst of a hectic world. I think part of what gave me that perspective was the fact that we bought this house and I was feeling grateful about even being able to have any of it. I had so much to feel grateful for this year. I hope I stay grateful, it made work feel like play.
Anyway, I thought I'd share some pictures. The evolution of the garden, year one.
I found this on the side of the road last week on trash day. It was inside of this huge beautiful basket that I spotted (people really throw this great stuff out!) and wanted for my living room to hold blankets and yoga stuff. It felt so right, too, because engraved on the box it says "Life begins the day you start a garden." I love it.
( Garden, Orchard, etc. )
"There can be no other occupation like gardening in which, if you were to creep up behind someone at their work, you would find them smiling." ~Mirabel Osler
It's been another eventful week, and it's only Wednesday! On Monday Max was hospitalized for a fever. He and my sister have been in the hospital for the past few days, and they were even on some kind of a swine flu alert for a little while. Everything came back clean, thankfully, and it looks like he just caught the little cold that Gretchen and Tuula had right before she went into labor. He's just so little, though, and it must've took a toll on that baby body. They're going home today, so I'll stop by there later to check on them and bring them their CSA veggies.
Just a few more weeks on the food storage front and then it'll be time to work on other things. I've still got lots of apples to pick and process to make applesauce, dried apple rings, and just plain old apple slices to can for desserts later in the year. I'm also gonna do lots of pureed pumpkin (I'm excited to try this recipe), canned collard greens (cooked with ham hocks, yum...), kale soup, and a few other odds and ends and random pickling/lacto-fermenting experiments. I just made my first batch of sauerkraut (will be done in a few more weeks), and it STINKS during the initial ferment. On day 3 I was very ready to exile it to the fridge downstairs. I love sauerkraut and can eat it with practically every meal, but this was not an appetizing process. I did it correctly and read that the smell is normal and will go away with time. Thank goodness for that research, though, because I may not have tossed it but I might not ever try it. Our friend who's living with us right now said that he would expect it to smell something like rotting cabbage... it smelled better than that, and I guess that's kind of what we're doing. We're just controlling the bacterial environment to keep it edible. So with that in mind, bon appetite! haha. I'm sure it will be delicious in a month. :)
This is what I did with all those green tomatoes. 
I'm now thinking about food for the winter and how to make our stores last as long as possible. I'll be really surprised if our produce lasts the whole winter, but I'm remaining optimistic. Things to tackle for the winter include (mostly for my own reference, but if anyone is interested all the better):
- Making and mastering a sourdough bread recipe that I can make weekly
- Sprouting sprouting sprouting. Especially interested in mastering large sprouts that will infuse our diets with some freshness over the winter- things that come to mind are mung bean sprouts and sunflower shoots. I'm just learning, so I'm sure I'll try out a variety of things and then narrow it down from there.
- Making my own tortillas. I'd love to make sprouted tortillas, although I'll have to do more research on how to sprout the grain and then process it properly.
- Finding as-local-as-possible grain/oats/other bulk food sources and buying directly (I plan to store whole wheat berries in the basement in a big bin and grind them fresh- or sprout and grind them- for bread/tortillas as needed).
- Making my own yogurt. I keep planning to do this, but just postpone... This Friday I'm pledging to make my first batch! I'd like to make a quart or so a week.
- Having "bulk recipe days" with friends and making big quantities of things like pizza dough or soups or whatever to freeze for future easy meals.
- Make my own mozzarella. I've heard it's super easy and I'd love to put big slabs of it on our homemade pizza.
- Thinking about alternatives. I want to really localize, but coconut oil is just not that... so I'm trying to think about phasing these things out without compromising our health and happiness.
- Making meal plans. Taking on these new things will likely overwhelm me some in the coming weeks. So simplifying things and making a schedule will only take a few extra minutes every week and will leave me with a concrete idea of what kind of prep is needed for each meal and what ingredients we have. It'll also help me strategize and keep us eating a variety of food so that nothing is left lonely in the back of the freezer for months on end.
- knitting. I'm just a beginner, really, and I just want to keep getting better. It just seems like a good idea to keep flexing that creative muscle even when you're vegging on the couch or waiting in the doctor's office. Right now I'm working on a special doll for Tuula (cuz now she's a big sister!)
- sewing. I have several projects in mind and so my goal is really just to set up my sewing area and bust those things out. It'll be very cleansing, I think.
- Start drawing/painting/playing guitar again. This stuff got pushed to the side when I started doing... well, everything else, so I'd like to rekindle some of that because I really loved it.
- set up/plan the garden for spring. Also do something with my totally shaded front yard so that it's not a total bore.
- Figure out about where to get chickens, build the coop. The coop will likely wait until the spring, but seeing as how we aren't buying new materials and we are going to attach a greenhouse to it, we'll need to do some designing and creative scavenging to make it happen.
- Get acquainted with more local scavenging resources. I'd like to find junkyards and meet the people who run them. I'd like to find untended fruit trees and other foraging areas and get educated about how to identify what's edible and what's not. Um, wild mushroom omelette, anyone? I'd like to go along with some seasoned dumpster divers and learn their tricks. I might make a few new friends!
- Book club.
- Take a class on herbs. I'm really interested in that stuff, and my love for it all came flooding back when I was mixing the postpartum herbal bath for my sister. I remembered how wonderful that stuff was in healing me, and it also made Vera's cord fall off in 4 days! Normally that takes like 2 weeks. It was cool. I tend to feel headachey and nauseous with chemically things, even stuff that's supposed to smell nice like lotions and stuff. Essential oils and things, and straight herbs are intoxicating to me, though, and I'd love to learn how to make my own tinctures and stuff. I also am a big fan of preventative medicine, and if I can learn how to use herbs to keep us healthy, that'd be awesome too. Like red raspberry leaf tea. I drank that all through pregnancy and when I finally got my period back I had almost zero cramps for months. The only time they made an appearance was months later when I had gotten out of the habit of drinking it and was drinking way more coffee. It got me thinking...
- Get my master gardener certification, or at least start the process.
- Work on making money in alternative ways so that Jeff can cut down to part time and spend more time with us.
( Read more... )
Oooh, tonight is extra special because Jeff and I were invited to sit in on a class at EMU where Derrick Jensen is skyping in! This is really cool. Jensen is this author we're totally obsessed with right now, so it's kind of a big deal to us. I'm sure I'll write more about this later.
Quote of the day:
"“What I fear and desire most in this world is passion. I fear it because it promises to be spontaneous, out of control, unnamed, beyond my reasonable self. I desire it because passion has color, like the landscape before me. It is not pale. It is not neutral. It reveals the backside of the heart.” (Derrick Jensen)
( Read more... )
Happy Fall everyone!
Quote of the day:
"No one who has ever brought up a child can doubt for a moment that love is literally the life-giving fluid of human existance." -Smiley Blanton
I attribute this image, now scarred forever into my skin, as being symbolic of my dedication to the natural world, to love and to truth, to those around me (both human and nonhuman), and to my very spirit. I can no longer stand by and watch as our home and our bodies are poisoned and not do my best to stop it. I mean, so many people just watch from the sidelines, scared and abused so long that they can't even mobilize and get themselves out, let alone stop feeding the monster. I will not be one to forget, and I won't be one to do nothing. That's what this means to me. It means I'm in for a great deal of change... I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't just the tiniest bit uneasy about it all, but I know in my heart it's the right thing.
---
Jeff and I had a talk recently about family size. I have always really admired and loved bigger families that I've known, and so I had this vision of having half a dozen kids or something, and we'd all live busily and happily and have a very large eating table and a warm house and... yeah. We both come from families with 4 kids in them, so we thought that sounded reasonable. As we grow in this way of life, though, the harder it is to justify that choice. We are just too many in number, us humans. Really it's not about number, it's about consumption. But we can't seem to get a handle on that, we are killing the planet, and I truly believe there are just too many of us. I decided that three kids was a good compromise, and we talked about how if all the environmentalists stop raising kids then who are we left with, and so on. Then Jeff and I had a tough talk about it and finally settled on two. Two kids. We'll live simply and hopefully find a way to be self-sustaining (or as close as we can be) and pass on those skills to our kids . Who knows what the future will bring, but we have control over this aspect of our lives, and it's just... seeming right.
I got to thinking about why I saw this decision as being a bit of a loss, and it's been enlightening. I realized why I love big families so much, and it's because they were living so naturally together- working side by side, sharing all that they had. I think kids that had many siblings had many advantages in terms of learning about the value of simple work, sharing, interdependence, the list goes on and on. The families I knew were so beautiful together. I realized that I don't have to birth many children to have this- I can find that community all around me. My instincts in this area are good, I just have to figure out how to fulfill those needs for community in different ways. I think this will be good.
Giving birth was the most primal, natural, powerful thing I've ever done. It connected me to life in a new way, and now I'm always trying to see that truth in other things, trying to remember that feeling. It actually doesn't take much to find it, it's everywhere. It's lead me down this very distinct path, one that I am excited about and welcome, but is not entirely within my comfort zone. It's scary in some ways, but I also trust it. Just like giving birth was a little scary (mostly because of the unknown, really), it was also empowering and enlightening. I'm starting to think that returning to truth is this way, too. It's rocking my whole foundation- we're so good at pretending we aren't the animals that we are, that we can modify and fix ourselves- to eliminate pain and suffering and outsource all of our needs so that we are just civilized echos of what we used to be. But I don't think that's right. I don't think that gets us where we need to and really want to be.
If we follow a path of love then we most certainly open ourselves up to the potential for great pain. I think these two things exist side by side. The deeper I love those around me, the harder it will hurt when/if they leave me. It's just science, really. I've been meditating on this when I contemplate making these changes in my life. Some of it is uncomfortable to realize. I have to let go of my dependency on things that really (seem to) make me happy. One of the most obvious examples is the food that we eat. We were only eating vegetarian/fish when we went out to eat, because of the obvious reasons (factory farming and tortured animals and all that...), but then we realized that's not good enough. We realized that the fishing industry is enormously harmful, even if the fish aren't tortured in an obvious way. It's damage to the oceans and underwater ecosystems is catastrophic, and we will soon see the damage in our everyday lives. Then we thought about tofu/veggie options, and it's the same. Industrial agriculture is unbelievable harmful. Pesticides, herbicides, water usage, industrial runoff into the groundwater, the decimation of natural habitats, all of it. This all comes at a horrible cost. So for a little while we went out and ate what we wanted (inexcusably, really, we just felt limp about it). Now we have to fully address it. There are a few restaurants around that serve food that we can eat, but mostly we have to eat in. We did mostly anyway, but I will miss things. I'll miss sushi. I'll miss coffee. I'll miss chocolate. I'll miss convenience. I'll miss pretending it was okay.
This is not without it's "painful" side effects. But I'm counting on that pendulum swing- I'm counting on realizing the love on the other side of all this uncomfortable change. I'm already realizing some of it, and that helps give me momentum. Clearing my conscience is a good start. We're healthier for these changes, certainly. We're connecting with ourselves and each other in a way that we never have before. Jeff and I are way closer and more intimate (somewhat unexpectedly) due to these changes. That encourages me, it's already some of the fruit of our efforts. It starts with taking a chance, though. Diving in, making the commitment. I realize I've only just begun. So that's my project these days. I'm trying to be honest.
Quote of the day:
"And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields." (Kahlil Gibran)
Another harvest. Peppers, tomatoes, basil, who knows what else. I'm slowly chipping away at it all, but I'm serious about this local food thing, so I've been storing things most nights. I'm just such a newbie, so finding out how to organize all my thoughts on this stuff, how to inventory and track our needs through the year, etc. Well, lets just say I'm counting on time and experience to help me out in the coming years. My ambition hasn't hurt me yet, it's only helped me to grow.
( Mostly food, some baby. )
In kindergarten we'd all stand in this line to get a snack- usually a fruit cup and some milk or something. Apparently a little boy decided that I was the perfect person to cut in line, repeatedly, for most of the year. Nothing really came of it, until one day, I went nuts on him. I guess I threw quite the fit, and my teachers were really shocked that sweet, patient, quiet little Gracie had just blown a fuse on this kid. I guess the little boy was scared straight and it never happened again. I don't remember this, but my mom tells me this story, and it just makes sense to me. We all have our own personality quirks, and this happens to be a big one of mine.
I have to keep an eye on myself, sometimes. Almost like I'm looking down on things from above. I need perspective, otherwise I find myself in these situations- having given far too much of myself without realizing it, until I am left almost completely dry and I go into this survival mode. It understandably surprises those around me, when I suddenly cease up and shut down or start to demand things. On the one hand, I am very aware that this is uniquely "my problem", in the sense that I need to be able to create healthy boundaries and ask for help when I need it. This is something I am working on, and am getting much better at, although it's difficult for me to know what I need before I reach that point. I think there are a few reasons for this problem. The first being that I really value generosity and kindness and graciousness. I think being that way makes me more of those good things, and I build muscle in that area and am able to handle more than before. I want to push myself in these ways, I would rather be overwhelmed by others than all alone and unable to spread any love. I recognize that I need to get better at identifying what I need and asking for it, before I get to the point of breaking.
On the other hand, I see ways in which I do ask for what I need, in that healthy way, and yet people ignore or stall on it, and then I end up in that place again. I think that occasionally I do get taken advantage of, but it's never really intentional or malicious, it just has to do with my much more passive personality and someone else's more energy-intensive or more self-centered (in the nicest sense of the word) personality. I end up asking myself what they need from me much more than they ask themselves what I need from them. A pattern develops, and it's just complicated and not any one person's fault.
Or it has to do with the volume of things, like there are far too many people asking me for things, and so on an individual level it wouldn't make sense to ask them for anything more (or less, depending on the situation), but collectively I'm giving far to much of myself and unable to figure out how to tackle it or to get what I need. Last night was one of those circumstances. It wasn't any one event or person that set me over the edge, but I found myself grabbing a bowl of ice cream and shutting myself away in our exercise space to watch a movie by myself. I did this very abruptly without saying goodbye to my friend who was over or explaining to anyone that I needed a little time alone. I realize now that I was too overwhelmed to even deal with any questions about it or I might have just burst into tears. I can give myself a break on this one, I'd had like a week straight of just people people people everywhere and a baby who I'm pretty sure is in a growth spurt and likes to nurse all night, and I just... felt tired. It was as simple as that, nothing anyone had done wrong, or anything I had done wrong, I just needed to go- right then- and be by myself.
I struggle with getting what I need and feeling like I have that "empty tank". To some degree I love feeling needed and I nurture these relationships and I truly don't want to rid myself of any one of them. These responsibilities are natural. To live in a community and provide for one another is really one of the most important things to me. However, I have felt less support about it than I'd like to have, like this value is just not shared by as many people around me as I'd like, and yet everyone seems to benefit from it in some way. I guess I think that I'm up against a lot if the community doesn't return the favor. Like, we've had a lot of house guests and company lately, and I've heard a bunch of comments about how we're (Jeff & I) kind of crazy for having all these people here, and that we should just chill out or something, but it's not like we've actively sought it out or anything, we've just been open. Plus, this always comes from people who have asked for our attention and help, so it doesn't make much sense to me. In some ways it makes me feel overwhelmed for the first time, seeing that people are starting to judge what we do rather than support it, or that maybe I'm missing something. We had friends stay with us this weekend (on top of our friend moving in downstairs and our friend living in our other spare room for the past couple of months) and we had two family events and a "canning party", all this past weekend- plus trying to finish the downstairs apartment. It was busy, for sure! I was thinking it would be fun and lively, and everyone would just help themselves and each other, and we'd spread out outside or whatever we needed for space. My friend who shares my feelings on this was really encouraging and said that she loved that kind of thing, and was nothing but positive about it (I love you, Lindsay, you were great to have around). We talked about choosing to be light hearted and fun about it. It was good and empowering. Later after they left I heard a rumor that our friend who's been staying with us has thought about leaving recently because of all the people (this, after he'd just asked us to stay for a few more months), and that left a bitter taste in my mouth. I can't deny folks their boundaries, you know, and to some degree I think I need a little space for the next few days to just take care of myself, but I don't know. Some of my other friends have made comments that weren't meant to be criticizing, but they just weren't helpful. It brings me down, especially when it's in the context of "I want to spend time together, quit spending time with other people..." or like "I can't live like you do, it seems crazy to me, but I admire it." The last one was a tough case to crack for me, because there's nothing inherently wrong with it. I think it's just that I'd like to hear less opinions and less comments, and more encouragement and participation. I just don't want to be cast as an outsider because of my values and choices, although I'm finding that I may just be that. Whatever.
I'm really glad that Jeff and I are a team in all this. He lets me be weak and just figure my shit out... and I do the same for him with his crazy anxiety. This morning I talked his ear off and came away so much better for it. I only wish that he wasn't spread so thin on the other side- he's always working on some project and it feels hard to reach each other until we collapse in each other's arms at night. At least there's that, some people don't even have that much. And in the quiet of the night, before Vera starts her relentless nurse-fest, we whisper about the importance of loving each other and our friends, the blessing that is this house and our ability to share it, how passionate we feel about life and our ability to do the right things, and how well we're doing. All said and done, I'm really happy. I'm learning though, and those frazzled moments are for my benefit really, even if it feels like weakness and doubt at the time.
I picked some flowers out of the garden and put them on the table to make the day a little more festive. Next year I hope to have lots of flowers planted so I can do this more.
( Read more... )
Oh, in other news- Dill (our other rat) died. We knew it was coming because he was old and Walter died a few months ago. I watched him go, and it really got to me that day. We buried him next to Walt, and it was okay. The strange thing, though, was that the minute he was gone Vera came over to the cage and said "Buh bye!" and then promptly asked me for milk. It was almost like she knew.
Quote of the day:
"Do not fear death so much, but rather the inadequate life." -Bertolt Brecht
I recently read this and it inspired me. I've been really trying to embrace my life and my humanity, learning to separate what is worthy of change and what is not. The more I learn about what matters to me, the more confused I am sometimes about what we (as humans) spend our time worrying about. The backwards questions we ask ourselves... "Am I attractive enough?" not "Am I healthy enough?" or "Does my house look good enough?" not "Am I living a life that reflects my beliefs and my morals?" I don't know, these are bad examples. But truly, I have my fair share of superficial and unrealistic standards for myself. Oddly enough, those standards generally don't extend to other people. I love it when I enter a house that is slightly messy and lived in. It validates me and makes me feel at home. I might admire someone with a spotless house, but it's not necessarily going to put me at ease, and so it begs the question- what are we doing this for? Now, I love to make my space feel nice- and being clean and making things colorful and pretty are a part of that for me, but I often feel like I can't live up to the standards I've set for myself- especially the ones that have to do with image. Anyway, I don't have all the answers. I don't know which standards are unreasonable or which are purposeful. I do know that I like to see the imperfections. They aren't imperfections at all to me- just proof that we are evolving and changing beings, and so similar, all working for good and growth and... I just like it.
Anyway, here's a look into my unruly and beautiful life, behind the scenes.
This plant is barely surviving, and I keep trying to remember to water it but forget for weeks at a time. It looks dead, but it's not. It is just slowly dying. It's tucked away in a corner of the house and I forget to go there when I'm watering the other plants. It's just pure lame on my part. Poor thing.
( Read more... )
Quote of the day:
"I'm okay
If you get me at a good angle
And you're okay
In right the sort of light
We don't look
Like pages from a magazine
But that's all right
Oh baby, that's all right
Oh baby that's all right"
-Ani Difranco
I've been working hard lately. I really like work... mostly. I helps that it's all work for those that I love, for my life. It's all relevant work. I see now that the ways in which I was lazy or distracted in my youth or in my pre-baby life had less to do with my work ethic and more to do with the fact that it didn't make sense to me. I didn't see my purpose in it. I mean, yeah, I could make sense out if it if I wanted. Mostly that came down to some version of "don't get in trouble", which I don't think is a good reason to do anything. Then it was about money, which is a fancier version of "don't get in trouble". My life now, though, with it's fair share of overwhelmed, brow-wiping, sigh-heaving moments, is so gratifying. I do the things I do because I want to. I want to nourish my family and friends. I want a warm and easy home. I want to be strong and healthy. I want to watch things grow strong and healthy with my care. I want to foster love in everything I do. It's all happening!
Jeff and I are actively working to rid ourselves of our dependency on a system that keeps us working too hard for things that don't matter and are ultimately destructive. I always wonder where I'll be in another year. Things change so fast for us. I've basically settled on the realization that, to quote Derrick Jensen, "civilization is not, and can never be, sustainable." Yeah... I'll talk more about this in a separate entry, but this realization is going to affect many aspects of my life and thoughts. I no longer am holding on to the misconception that we can maintain this way of life, not by a long shot. I suppose I wasn't really hanging onto that idea, but there was a part of me that was kind of waiting until we cleaned this all up and worked it out. So. We have been really thinking hard about how to deal with this, and ultimately how to live our lives in a moral way. It isn't easy to think about. We feel as if our whole foundation is being shaken. However, it's also clear to us that if we don't shake our own foundation then it will crumble beneath us, and I'd prefer to change my own life thankyouverymuch. I'm also dealing with feelings of anger towards the majority of human life- for their unwillingness to change, for their destructiveness, for their shortsightedness and selfishness. I know we can do better than this, and I believe we're worth saving. But damn, can we be destructive and stupid little buggers. It leaves me a little stranded at times. I now see all sorts of ways in which my life is destructive, and it's hard for me to see how to change it. All the more reason TO change it, I think. I'm sure there are loads of people who feel that way, unable to move forward. If we can do it, then so can they. All it takes is me, and then you. And then we are us. And then we have a new world. I have to keep that in mind every day. That as complicated as it can seem, it really is that simple. I guess, what I mean to say is, it's hard to do, but it's simple. We know how to fix this problem, we just don't do it. I'm trying to figure out how to do it now, because I have no more excuses.
I've got lots of before and after posts coming. We've just done so much with the house and we want to record it in some way. I love before and after pictures. One really good thing creating an apartment in our basement does (aside from making a home for a good friend), is it forces us to go through all our shit. I think it's amazing that we are going to be fully unpacked only 6 months after moving in. Wild. I was sure it would take us years. I've also been able to seriously purge. I don't know how we collected all this crap that we don't need, or even look at, but convince ourselves to keep in a box somewhere "just in case". I'm really trying to teach myself discernment in that area. It's harder than it sounds.
Now, pictures of flowers, garden, and baby.
( More! )
Quote of the day:
"I've got a little faith on the table
Find a little hope in the jar
There's got to be sanity 'round here somewhere
And then shake it up. " (Martin Sexton)
So for today, just a simple little peek into what makes me smile.
My daughter. Love of my life, light of my soul.
Jeff and I were talking the other day about what our lives would be like without her, and it was so crazy to us. We were giving each other startled looks and saying things like "What the hell kind of life would that be? Who wants that life? We'd probably be doing something really... dumb." I mean... life is SO GOOD with her in it.
Just some things that make me smile.
In some ways it is hard though, when I watch her being given false information and false choices. A couple of examples:
This client was open to an epidural and some IV medication, but only after trying more natural pain management techniques. She wanted to try positions and walking and the physical and emotional support I had to offer, then she wanted to try the water, then maybe an epidural after all of that. In her last prenatal appointment before the birth, she called me to tell me she was going to just get the epidural and no longer wanted a water birth. I asked what changed her mind, and she explained that she'd been essentially given the choice between the water birth and the drugs, and because she didn't want to be stuck in pain somewhere down the line, she better just go with the drugs. I was confused. We talked it over, and she realized that we could stick to her plan, there was no reason for her to make that choice now. The only thing is that when/if she chose the epidural, she'd have to stay in bed and water wouldn't be an option any more. Apparently at her appointment her doctor told her "Oh no, you want the epidural."
Anyway, I was thinking it may have just been a misunderstanding and that the doctor was just explaining that she couldn't do both at the same time. However, later when she was laboring at the hospital, the nurse (a friend of mine) discreetly told me that my client's doctor expressed frustration about her resistance to the epidural, saying something like "Ugh, it'd be so much easier!" She and I were confused about that- I'm not sure what would make her job easier, but it brought that conversation back to mind, and got me thinking it wasn't a misunderstanding at all. Her doctor probably did present it in a way that made her think she had to choose. On the epidural front- she was also told that she "didn't have to be a martyr" and "this could go on for hours. You don't want to be so tired later that you can't even push!" Whatever.
They were also pretty pushy about pitocin. We had to sort of dance around them and bargain with them to keep that intervention at bay (which we ended up succeeding in- no pitocin the whole time! Is it sad that it feels a little like a victory?). Anyway, she had told me before hand that she did NOT want pitocin. When they offered it to her though (over and over), she felt kind of pressured and scared that her labor was not "adequate". I reminded her that she had a choice (they often presented these things as if they were just going to DO them, and they were just informing her. It's so bizarre.). I said "I know you said before that you didn't want pitocin. Do you still feel the same way?" And to that I got a surprised and stormy look from the doctor- I don't think they are questioned very often. I also asked if there were any risks, which also seemed to catch them off guard (am I crazy for thinking they should routinely discuss risks with their patients?!). Anyway, they kept coming back, and at one point one of the residents said "Now, it's not your fault, it's nothing that you're doing wrong, but for some reason these contractions just aren't doing the job that they are supposed to... pitocin would just help you along." Now- a little context. She was at 7/8 cm. 7 to 8! I wanted to stare him in the face and say "Wow, so how'd she dilate this far with such inadequate contractions? Huh?" To make the situation even more absurd, she was having strong, piggybacking contractions AS HE WAS SAYING THIS. Thankfully our new nurse (my friend was off her shift at that point) was on our side and didn't see the benefit to making these already frequent and strong contractions any harder. The doctors easily listened to the nurse, but not to my client. Why were they pushing this? She had been at 7/8 for about 3 hours at that point, but I don't see how that's abnormal or bad as long as mama and baby are healthy and heart rates are strong.
I guess the other thing is that the hospital has tubs of water available, but it's sort of first come first serve. My client told them that she wanted that, and they just said they'd let her know if there was one available. It turns out there was one, but they never notified us. She expressed some regret afterward when I spoke with her, and that she would've liked to see if she could've tried that and gone without the epidural. Anyway. She did say that if she does this again she's going to be much more assertive about what she wants and she won't feel pressured in the future. It was definitely gratifying to see this woman talk like that.
She's got a beautiful baby boy. She seems very happy. She seems happy with me, too, and I think she was really grateful for my support and company, especially given that her support at home is lacking. I no longer feel that bitterness, and I'm just glad I was able to do what I did for her. When I got home, though, I really did need some nurturing. I needed my tank to be filled, so to speak.
I am forever frustrated with certain aspects of the hospital care- their "policies", their presumptions and interventions. It's as if they are looking at a laboring woman as something that is broken- something that needs help or fixing. I hated that they used the word "martyr" to describe a woman who chooses not to use pain medication. As if the only reason not to use it is to prove something to the world or make a point. How insulting. It's not like women WANT the pain. But I think they know that it's about more than that. The natural process of labor and birth is much more than a bunch of pain and a baby. I'm just tired of the lack of respect and understanding. I really don't think that these doctors are bad people, but it seems like there's been a huge oversight. I'm not articulating this well, but it's just so confusing. I'm confused about all the bad information they readily give out. Why are women routinely told that they don't produce enough milk and have to supplement, when that is only going to make their supply issues worse? It's as if doctors have received no education about how breastfeeding works. Why are women told that their contractions aren't "adequate", when there's no medical reason for them to be dilating faster than they are? Why don't doctors know about the importance of the birth hormones that are released in both mother and baby (in a natural, unhindered birth) that help to bond them? Why don't they know these things? I have many unanswered questions. I will say, I will NEVER have a baby in a hospital if I can help it. Thank god they are there for emergencies, but yeah. I pass no judgment on those who choose a hospital birth, I think it's really about what makes people feel safe and cared for- but for me, that is NOT it.
( Read more... )
Quote of the day:
“For us to maintain our way of living, we must tell lies to each other and especially to ourselves. The lies are necessary because, without them, many deplorable acts would become impossibilities.” (Derrick Jensen)
Now I'm busy with the buzz that inevitably comes with the summer months. Everyone is out and social, things are happening and in the air. Right now we have lots of people around us- two good friends staying with us at the moment (one actually just went home to NJ this morning), so there's never a lonely meal around here, plus a steady stream of friends and family. It doesn't overwhelm me, surprisingly. I get plenty of privacy if I need it (usually in the form of a nice long bath or a book outside on the hammock chair), and I really just love the feeling that I'm a part of a community and am needed by people. I mean, these are my friends. Lets just say I'm happy we have a dishwasher. I have this beautiful house that just landed in our laps, and it's just a real blessing to be able to share it. I'm just feeling grateful. My brother and his girlfriend will stay with us next month, too, when he visits from Texas.
New development- In the fall we've decided to rent our basement out to our old housemate (who's practically family), and that will be fun, but also great in terms of the financial boost. We could use some wiggle room in that arena. So, in the next month we'll be taking on projects down there (it's partially finished). We're getting carpet for the parts he'll live in, painting and hanging fabric over the concrete walls and the furnace and water heater and stuff, and building a little kitchen for him. There's already a full bathroom, a separate entrance, and a good amount of light, although we may add a bigger window at some point. He's excited (plus we're throwing in all utilities and I'm already his cleaning lady). I'm just feeling really good about sharing this place, like I'm just supposed to do it.
The garden is starting to say "EAT ME EAT ME NOWWWWW!!!" and I'm already beginning to strategize about how to store things. I'm glad I didn't let my late start deter me. I'm having lovely and delicious salads every day, and there's more to come. I can't seem to get sick of grilled zucchini, and arugula makes my heart skip a beat, I love it so much. I'm starting to think about succession planting, which I've never done before (for things like carrots and beets and turnips, also lettuce which I plan to build a screen for in the heat of August). I sometimes surprise myself with my ambition, which I'm lucky enough to have paired with a it's-no-big-deal-if-it-fails attitude. I'm of course majorly behind on weeding, but whatever. Some of the weeds are edible anyway. It's just fun, and always a learning experience. Our neighbors are really supportive of our efforts and Jeff overheard some people say they were inspired by it all. That makes it all worthwhile. I really want people to WANT to grow their own food, and if I have any influence on that... well, lets just say I'll be extremely gratified. I've been meditating a lot on this quote, which I've shared before, but want to share again:
"I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit." (Dawna Markova)
Mostly that last sentence. So good.
Anyway, Vera has also been amazing. She's had some kind of a mental spurt and is talking up a storm. Her comprehension is great, and she's definitely entering that "I'm an autonomous human being, Mama!" or what others like to think of as the "NO!" phase. It's all beautiful and hilarious and tiring and... I love being a mama. She's so bright and funny, and boy am I lucky to know her.
So, of course there's lots of new baby. She's beautiful, isn't she?
( Picture dump! )
